Pages

March 19, 2010

HEY QUAKERSTATE, VISCOSITY BREAKDOWN DOESN'T SCARE ME IN THE LEAST

Friday guest post
The Return of Date Rapeler

Hi, it's your old pal Date here with a special guest post coming at you straight out of my secret cellar dungeon and into wherever it is you use your computer. I fantasize you using it in the shower with a shopping bag covering it, while you wash your ears with Pert Plus.

For those of you who aren't "old pals", allow me to introduce myself -- the name's Date Rapeler, apprentice electrician and lady's man mondo supreme. My favourite movie is Bedknobs and Broomsticks and my favourite food is marshmallows. Now that we know each other, why don't you loosen your bra, oil up your ears and stay awhile?

I don't want to beat around the bush. I did that all last night and I've been picking thorns out of my inner thigh for the last three hours. My buddy Cortez gave me a hot tip that a local MILF had her curtains torn down by her new cat, so it was open season for a spy guy like me to catch a peak of her bare, vine-ripened floppers. I took to the bushes and the rest is history. Don't give me that look! What's the difference between doing that and sitting on the bleachers of the high school and watching the girl's lacrosse team practice? No one seems to care when I do that except that idiot coach Malmsteen, but she doesn't count because she's probably just jealous that I leer at her daughter more than her.

Anyway, why don't you come by my pad tonight for some drugs and maybe a palm reading or two. Bring as many open minded friends as you want and leave your cell phones at home because, like, the reception in my house, is like, total shit. You have to come tonight because my trial starts tomorrow and a long vacation may follow after that. What? No! Hahahaha, I'm not a lawyer, who do you take me for, a scum bag? I was unjustly arrested for lewd conduct etc. etc. But what is the justice system? Why should we all obey the same laws? We don't all like reggae music and we don't all drink water regularly, so why should we all have to not pinch the butts of strangers in roller coaster lines? Sometimes I think I'm the only sane man left. Hit me up on Facebook or Chatroulette. I've got 6 monitors going looking for a girl who'll appreciate a real wiener. See you, TGIF!

No comments:

Blog Directory by Blog Flux