June 8, 2012


The other day I was mourning the loss of a particularly good pair of socks and needed some positive music to help ease me to K-Mart where I was to buy new socks. I cranked up the stunningly beautiful "The Sweetest Thing" by U2, a song that in the past has got me through a lost jar of jam as well as this big zit that was so gross I stayed in all weekend and missed this big party where a girl apparently gave a cat a blowjob.

I don't usually listen very closely to lyrics because I like to make up my own. Whenever Bruce Springsteen's "Born to Run" comes on the radio, all I can hear in my head is Glenn Macaulay's "Corn of Fun" featuring Bruce Springsteen on six string guitar. Anyway, this time my head was full of ideas for a new kind of sock made of aluminum so I was able to take in what the Bono was saying, and quite frankly I was shocked.

Here's what he says the oh ooh oh sweetest things are:

My love throws me like a rubber ball 

She won't catch me or break my fall 

You know she likes a dry kind of love 

 I wanted to run but she made me crawl 

Eternal fire, she turned me to straw 

Blue-eyed boy meets a brown-eyed girl 

You can sew it up but you still see the tear

Sounds to me that our Bano is the love slave of some sort of brown-eyed witch creature, and here we are giving him the keys to Africa!

I did some more digging and found out that "One" is about giving the middle finger, "With or Without You" is about leaving your son at the Grand Canyon, and "Where the Streets Have No Name" is about the paths that wind through a dark forest whose trees make fun of you (they feed you their fruit though, so not so bad).

Imagine this blog entry was all just an elaborate distraction that someone has set up for you? Like you turn around and all your furniture is gone?

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