Our kitchen at work is a pretty strange place. It seems that within the kitchen, normal rules that govern humanity are null and void. For example, in the human world plastic cutlery is meant to be used once and then disposed of. This is its purpose and as far as I know, most of humanity understands this. At work, some people have decided that this rule does not apply and they choose to put plastic cutlery in the sink or in the dishwasher with the other dirty dishes. I'm all about plastic cutlery, but I don't like it enough to treat it as well as its metal counterparts. I'm sure if you asked a plastic fork how it would like to be treated it'd say something like "just use me and throw me out. I'm cool with that." It's like a kamikaze pilot or a disposable razor or a cigarette.
Some have also decided that used paper towel should not go into the garbage can like in most cultures, but rather in the sink where the paper towel can get even grosser, absorbing all sorts of strange liquids that rightfully belong there. Who are these people? What is their reasoning? Have they ever used a paper towel or a plastic fork before? I reckon not.
You know what else really boils my stew???
CREDITS
Like in shows and movies.
Why are there credits? Why do I need to know who catered a movie? Every time I complete a task at my job, I don't present the client with a detailed list of who did what. That would be silly. So why is it so acceptable in entertainment? It probably has something to do with unions, tradition and the general feeling within the industry that they're the best guys ever because they know how to put together a dumb show or whatever. Screw that. Credits make movies and shows longer, they're boring, and they're just generally stupid. Remember that South Park Episode about the cloud of smugness coming from George Clooney's Oscar speech? That's some additional reading for you guys on this subject. There's also a good b plot in the episode about people in San Francisco smelling their own farts.
Don't get me wrong, I like knowing who was in the movie and maybe who directed it if I didn't already know, but I don't need to know the names of stunt men and best boys because I simply don't care and the only people who do are other stunt men and other best boys. Most people don't even know what most of the credits mean! "Gaffer", "Best Boy", "2nd Assistant Art Department Producer". Frig all that.
I don't think there's much else to say on that subject. Are you with me?
MOVIE REVIEW - WATCHMEN (2009)
Facts:
I've read the graphic novel
The graphic novel did NOT blow my toes to smithereens, but I did like it
I thought the film was very well done because adapting such a tale is like trying to fish for sharks using a reed and a safety pin, the safety pin being the hook. Your bait it normal though. You still have good bait. Good shark bait. The odds aren't that bad. That being said, I don't think it was a great masterpiece of a movie. It required too much back story and I really think they could have trimmed a few scenes, like the sex scene and this one really lovey dovey phluvy scene at the end. It's strange because I respect Snyder for sticking so closely to the source material, but I think I would've preferred it to be shorter at the expense of some small details.
The acting? Out of the park! The only person I thought was shit was Malin Ackerman who played Silk Spectre II. Considering all the crazy shit that was happening I thought she didn't really show much of a range of a emotion. I'm pretty sure she got the job because of her looks and the fact that she was willing to peel her clothes, revealing butt and breast. BUT the other actors? So damn good. Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach was incredible, as was Billy Crudup and Jeffery Dean Morgan. Honourable mention to Patrick Wilson and Mathew Goode. The cast could have been a bit older, but they all pulled it off big time. I loved the fight scenes and the special effects and I didn't even mind the changed ending at all.
I did have to tinkle about half way into the movie, so maybe that's why I felt it was too long.
Overall I give "Watchmen" a 7.8/10 or so. Go check it out at your local multiplex and don't forget that ice cold Coca Cola or Barq's brand root beer to quench your thirst. It could've done without credits though.
TODAY is Wednesday. I hope it's the best Wednesday you've ever eaten. BYE BYE
March 11, 2009
March 10, 2009
KEEP THREE PENNIES FOR YOURSELF AND GIVE THE REST TO GREGOR
Do you ever walk home from somewhere on a weeknight and it's kind of early and you see all these people who seem to be going off to wild parties and you think, "Where could these people be going?" like you can't think of a time that you've been out that wild on Tuesday or whatever? That happened to me like 8 times last night. I don't even party like that on weekends anymore, let alone a Monday night.
Have you ever met a cool 'Linda'?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I forgot to mention one thing in my NYC recap. When we went to that trendy Mexican restaurant, we had this corn that was the best corn. It was grilled, and then rolled in this mixture of cheese, spices and lime and bound all together with mayo which also made it stick to the corn. Have you ever had corn of this sort? If you ever get the chance dive right in and your mouth will kiss your mouth. I guess for your mouth to kiss your mouth all you have to do is make sure your mouth is closed. You could tongue the inside of your mouth. French yourself guy. But only after you eat this delicious corn. Or after any other fabulous meal. Give yourself a smooch. Roast beef dinner? Kiss away. Cherry pie? Big time tongue.
It's getting to that point in the year where the last cold day is fast approaching. You never know when it'll be but you can feel it in the air, and every time you leave the house you cross your fingers and tap your dick for luck, and then you get outside and have to go back inside to get your toque because it's still cold and you're pissed. It's all March's fault. It happens every damn year. You try to convince yourself that March isn't a big deal and it's still going to be cold but there's always one really nice day that makes you think it'll stay that way forever, but it never does. Do you share my view, all of you who live in seasonal places? March stinks, right? Maybe it has something to do with the phenomenon known as 'March Break'. When you're a kid growing up in Canada you get a week off in March so you look forward to that shit as soon as Christmas is over. And your mom would always have activities planned and you'd go to the Museum and you'd watch movies and it was the best. Then when it was over you were even closer to springtime. So maybe it's lodged in our psyche. I think that's a good analysis. I'm right. I've decoded the DaVinci cypher thanks to cunning and this hot babe who followed me around and who knows French.
Speaking of which, I know a lot of intellectuals like to knock that book. The DaVinci Code that is. But man, when I read it I loved it! I'm not claiming to be an intellectual, but I do read a lot and I'm not a stupid idiot or anything and I thought the book was a roller coaster ride. I read it in last year university and I remember not being able to put it down and being on the edge of my seat. It was like reading a good movie. But the movie was terrible. I can turn my nose up at the movie no problem. Snobsnobsnob.
That's all for today. My mind was elsewhere so there was a lot of undeveloped ideas, but I hope you still had a fun time. Come back tomorrow please. I have a good list of topics going that will make you spin in your seat and you might fart with excitement and wonder.
Have you ever met a cool 'Linda'?
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I forgot to mention one thing in my NYC recap. When we went to that trendy Mexican restaurant, we had this corn that was the best corn. It was grilled, and then rolled in this mixture of cheese, spices and lime and bound all together with mayo which also made it stick to the corn. Have you ever had corn of this sort? If you ever get the chance dive right in and your mouth will kiss your mouth. I guess for your mouth to kiss your mouth all you have to do is make sure your mouth is closed. You could tongue the inside of your mouth. French yourself guy. But only after you eat this delicious corn. Or after any other fabulous meal. Give yourself a smooch. Roast beef dinner? Kiss away. Cherry pie? Big time tongue.
It's getting to that point in the year where the last cold day is fast approaching. You never know when it'll be but you can feel it in the air, and every time you leave the house you cross your fingers and tap your dick for luck, and then you get outside and have to go back inside to get your toque because it's still cold and you're pissed. It's all March's fault. It happens every damn year. You try to convince yourself that March isn't a big deal and it's still going to be cold but there's always one really nice day that makes you think it'll stay that way forever, but it never does. Do you share my view, all of you who live in seasonal places? March stinks, right? Maybe it has something to do with the phenomenon known as 'March Break'. When you're a kid growing up in Canada you get a week off in March so you look forward to that shit as soon as Christmas is over. And your mom would always have activities planned and you'd go to the Museum and you'd watch movies and it was the best. Then when it was over you were even closer to springtime. So maybe it's lodged in our psyche. I think that's a good analysis. I'm right. I've decoded the DaVinci cypher thanks to cunning and this hot babe who followed me around and who knows French.
Speaking of which, I know a lot of intellectuals like to knock that book. The DaVinci Code that is. But man, when I read it I loved it! I'm not claiming to be an intellectual, but I do read a lot and I'm not a stupid idiot or anything and I thought the book was a roller coaster ride. I read it in last year university and I remember not being able to put it down and being on the edge of my seat. It was like reading a good movie. But the movie was terrible. I can turn my nose up at the movie no problem. Snobsnobsnob.
That's all for today. My mind was elsewhere so there was a lot of undeveloped ideas, but I hope you still had a fun time. Come back tomorrow please. I have a good list of topics going that will make you spin in your seat and you might fart with excitement and wonder.
March 9, 2009
A TALE OF MY WEEKEND WITH A BIT OF FLUFF BUT NO LIES, ALL TRUE
You know that thing you can do with your sock where you light it on fire and the lint burns all wicked and it's no big deal and you don't get caught on fire? I was sittin' around on Friday and filmed myself doing a real beauty:
It looked better live, trust me. You've also learned that I have relatively hairy legs and that I like my socks high and tight.
Friends Alex and Ashley came over on Friday to hang. We ate chips, watched the latest television, played that awesome game 'Flower' where you're the wind and you blow these petals around and Ashley showed us this.
It'll make you laugh, cry, barf, piss and think. There's a part two but you can find that on your own. At the end of the day I really feel bad for the ladies in the film because it isn't like they were born that way. They just had the shittiest lives that warped their mind. It's like that show "Intervention". Most of the people on that show seem like normal drug addicts but more often than not it's revealed that they had a tough childhood full of terrible things. It's kind of like the story of Peter Pan, but instead of going to Neverland to find other kids and adventure they go downtown to find any number of banned substances and I guess adventure as well, but not the fun kind.
On Saturday I ate a hamburger and watched "Vicky Christina Barcelona" with my friend Erin. Good not great. Everyone I talk to loves it, but I need a little something more in a movie like an explosion or a long lost son or something. But it was pretty good and I mean PRETTY, get it? Figure that one out for yourselves. I still love Woody. Might Aphrodite has been on the Movie Network lately and what a film!
Next it was off to Whitby to attend my friend Kevin's Jack and Jill party. For those who don't know, this a party an engaged couple throws to make money for their wedding. There are games and food and drinks and activities meant to embarrass the bride and groom. I only knew a few people at the thing, but I had a good time and ate a wide variety of foods such as hot dogs, potato salad, pasta salad, chips, fudge, peanut butter chocolate bars, cranberry cheesecake bars, assorted vegetables and chili. Quite a spread. Shout outs to Maureen and Greg who not only made the tastiest items on the menu but also drove my ass to and fro. They'll receive free fan club packages courtesy of the Canadian Tire Corporation and all of its subsidiaries (Mark's Work Warehouse).
On Sunday I sat around a whole lot, played floor hockey and basically waited around until Liv returned from her sojourn to Florida. She's now tanned and I'm paler than ever. You can see it in the sock burning video. I meant to take pictures documenting this weekend's events for your eyes' sake, but I forgot again, so your eyes can suck eggs for all I care.
That's the weekend. You might have noticed I posted a few things on Saturday and Sunday, which may become regular depending on the alignment of Venus and if I feel like it. Let's all get together for some Crispers soon, okay?
It looked better live, trust me. You've also learned that I have relatively hairy legs and that I like my socks high and tight.
Friends Alex and Ashley came over on Friday to hang. We ate chips, watched the latest television, played that awesome game 'Flower' where you're the wind and you blow these petals around and Ashley showed us this.
It'll make you laugh, cry, barf, piss and think. There's a part two but you can find that on your own. At the end of the day I really feel bad for the ladies in the film because it isn't like they were born that way. They just had the shittiest lives that warped their mind. It's like that show "Intervention". Most of the people on that show seem like normal drug addicts but more often than not it's revealed that they had a tough childhood full of terrible things. It's kind of like the story of Peter Pan, but instead of going to Neverland to find other kids and adventure they go downtown to find any number of banned substances and I guess adventure as well, but not the fun kind.
On Saturday I ate a hamburger and watched "Vicky Christina Barcelona" with my friend Erin. Good not great. Everyone I talk to loves it, but I need a little something more in a movie like an explosion or a long lost son or something. But it was pretty good and I mean PRETTY, get it? Figure that one out for yourselves. I still love Woody. Might Aphrodite has been on the Movie Network lately and what a film!
Next it was off to Whitby to attend my friend Kevin's Jack and Jill party. For those who don't know, this a party an engaged couple throws to make money for their wedding. There are games and food and drinks and activities meant to embarrass the bride and groom. I only knew a few people at the thing, but I had a good time and ate a wide variety of foods such as hot dogs, potato salad, pasta salad, chips, fudge, peanut butter chocolate bars, cranberry cheesecake bars, assorted vegetables and chili. Quite a spread. Shout outs to Maureen and Greg who not only made the tastiest items on the menu but also drove my ass to and fro. They'll receive free fan club packages courtesy of the Canadian Tire Corporation and all of its subsidiaries (Mark's Work Warehouse).
On Sunday I sat around a whole lot, played floor hockey and basically waited around until Liv returned from her sojourn to Florida. She's now tanned and I'm paler than ever. You can see it in the sock burning video. I meant to take pictures documenting this weekend's events for your eyes' sake, but I forgot again, so your eyes can suck eggs for all I care.
That's the weekend. You might have noticed I posted a few things on Saturday and Sunday, which may become regular depending on the alignment of Venus and if I feel like it. Let's all get together for some Crispers soon, okay?
March 8, 2009
March 7, 2009
WEEKEND PRODUCT PLACEMENT
Your product of the weekend is relish.
Now go get some relish for the weekend.
Now go get some relish for the weekend.
March 6, 2009
REGULAR STUFF, REGULAR THINGS, REGULAR CHIPS
One thing I love to do is observe normal people who get on TV. Not like some guy who's walking down the street and gets asked about the stock market or the Leafs by the news, but someone who gets on a talk show because they're a bird expert or someone who's a comedian who talks about pop culture and how Amy Winehouse eats gravel instead of food or whatever. Because these normal people or "muggles" or "regulars" or "borings" view being on TV as being a HUGE deal, which it is in a sense, and knowing that thousands of people are going to see them, they try to look their very best. They put on their best outfit, they get their best haircut and they put in their sparkliest earrings, so when you see them on TV you're seeing them in their ideal visual mode. It's sort of like when you go into the Matrix. What does Morpheus call it? 'Residual Self Image'? Here's what Wikipedia has to say:
'Residual self image is the concept that individuals tend to think of themselves as projecting a certain appearance.'
Get it? You can't really judge someone by what they wear to work or at home or even out a bar because there are certain rules that govern each of these instances. When I go to a bar I'll dress sexier than I normally do and when I'm at home I don cottons and slippers to maximize relaxation. But on TV one can wear whatever one wants and I think it's interesting to see the choices people make in deciding their ultimate look. So when you're on TV you're basically in the Matrix. That's my thesis.
This doesn't apply to everyone though. Some people look good all the time and some people look like a pile of shit all the time. Charles Darwin defined the rest of the population as "chameleons", based on the popular creature of the same name that can change its colour based on its environment. I'm somewhere in between garbage and chameleon. I can clean up when needed. Check this out:
What a dream car! I wish I still had that sweater vest and that much hair, but time can be a really shitty guy sometimes and I don't hold grudges (against time). Let's do a quick comparison:
I'm gettin' old! That other picture was taken about 4 years ago and that one right there was taken a minute ago. Enough about me. This is getting too vain. Except while we're on the subject, should I get a beard again? I like a beard, except once I get one I can't stop touching it and the girl who likes me most doesn't enjoy it at all. But I'm no slave. I can do whatever I want. I'm too indecisive. I could go on a big rant about how my indecisiveness is the cause of my current career woes but I'll save that for another day.
Is that enough?
Yeah I guess. I think today was insightful and I hope next time you see a normal person on TV you take notice of how the person looks, because it's a great opportunity to see someone how they want you to see them 100%. I repeated my thesis there like in a solid essay. Now I need to close leaving the reader with something to think about. Did you know that pearls melt in vinegar? I just read that!
By the way, you know when you see a crazy guy out in public somewhere and he or she is staring at you and in the back of your mind you're like "I hope that person isn't looking at me because they want to kill me" but they don't end up killing you? That's exactly what happened with that beheading on the Greyhound bus, except the guy got killed! The killer said he chose the guy he did because the victim gave him a glance or something and then God told him to kill. So I'm never smiling at a crazy person again just to be nice. I'm just going to split. Case closed. Judge decided. Gavel down.
'Residual self image is the concept that individuals tend to think of themselves as projecting a certain appearance.'
Get it? You can't really judge someone by what they wear to work or at home or even out a bar because there are certain rules that govern each of these instances. When I go to a bar I'll dress sexier than I normally do and when I'm at home I don cottons and slippers to maximize relaxation. But on TV one can wear whatever one wants and I think it's interesting to see the choices people make in deciding their ultimate look. So when you're on TV you're basically in the Matrix. That's my thesis.
This doesn't apply to everyone though. Some people look good all the time and some people look like a pile of shit all the time. Charles Darwin defined the rest of the population as "chameleons", based on the popular creature of the same name that can change its colour based on its environment. I'm somewhere in between garbage and chameleon. I can clean up when needed. Check this out:
What a dream car! I wish I still had that sweater vest and that much hair, but time can be a really shitty guy sometimes and I don't hold grudges (against time). Let's do a quick comparison:
I'm gettin' old! That other picture was taken about 4 years ago and that one right there was taken a minute ago. Enough about me. This is getting too vain. Except while we're on the subject, should I get a beard again? I like a beard, except once I get one I can't stop touching it and the girl who likes me most doesn't enjoy it at all. But I'm no slave. I can do whatever I want. I'm too indecisive. I could go on a big rant about how my indecisiveness is the cause of my current career woes but I'll save that for another day.Is that enough?
Yeah I guess. I think today was insightful and I hope next time you see a normal person on TV you take notice of how the person looks, because it's a great opportunity to see someone how they want you to see them 100%. I repeated my thesis there like in a solid essay. Now I need to close leaving the reader with something to think about. Did you know that pearls melt in vinegar? I just read that!
By the way, you know when you see a crazy guy out in public somewhere and he or she is staring at you and in the back of your mind you're like "I hope that person isn't looking at me because they want to kill me" but they don't end up killing you? That's exactly what happened with that beheading on the Greyhound bus, except the guy got killed! The killer said he chose the guy he did because the victim gave him a glance or something and then God told him to kill. So I'm never smiling at a crazy person again just to be nice. I'm just going to split. Case closed. Judge decided. Gavel down.
March 5, 2009
THE WEEK THAT WAS PART 4: THE LAST PART UNTIL I GO ON VACATION AGAIN
BEFORE WE START JUST ONE THING BECAUSE I ONLY HAVE ONE DAY LEFT TO RECAP
My roomate/girlfriend/regular friend by default is away this week, so last night I took advantage of my solitude and took a bubble bath. I could take a bath when she's here, but I think an adult bath requires peace and quiet, and if she was here she may burst into the bathroom to utilize the toilet or tease her hair or something and that would ruin the zen vibes I would no doubt attain.
Anyway, once I perfected the temperature of the water, which took a good 10 minutes and resulted in several minor burns, the bath was on and I was in full relax mode with the aim to finish a book I had been reading. Things were going great until I got paranoid that some psycho would break in and rip my nuts off and all that. I was vulnerable. I started hearing noises so as soon I was done my book I got out. I was probably in there for about 20 minutes or so, which is all you really need. There was no psyhco, it was just the heater in the bathroom making creaking noises. But still. A solitary bubble bath is the beginning of a horror movie and I wanted no part of one.
LAST FULL DAY - Time for a show
By Friday more of our friends showed up to do the show. Don't worry about their names, they'll come up later. Plus, you probably don't know them anyway. It's like when you meet someone new and they start telling you a story and instead of saying "Me and my friend did this and that", they say "Me and Scott did this and that" and you're all like "I barely know your name, why do I need to know this friend of yours? Scott? Who is this guy?" Is that a thing? Know what I mean?
We didn't do much except all day except eat $5 subs and prepare for the show at Phil's place and the theatre/gay bar we did it at. Here is what some of that looked like:
That's Phil and Erin and that's Top Gun on TV. Neat, huh?
We did a tech run of the show at the theatre at 4:30 and then we had 4 hours to kill before we had to be back for the show. We killed all 4 hours at a cafe/sports bar across the street and I was starting to get a cold. So things weren't all baby's smiles and lolipops.
We then met up with fellow comedy guys Pat, Bob, Jason and Fraser in a park adjacent to the theatre and as soon as we arrived Bob and Pat got in trouble with the boys in blue for drinking in public. Apparently the whole myth of being able to drink in public in New York as long as you have a paper bag is just that - a myth. The ticket was on $25 so no big deal. I piss $25 guy. You want $25? Who doesn't? What? Money. Power. Food. Ladies. Cool jeans.
The show went on and I think it went pretty darn okay. We did Jet Fighter Pilots and a Polecats set and people seemed to laugh, which is ultimately the goal with comedy. The best part about the whole deal was the the performers got to drink for free, so after the show we all saddled up to the bar and got trashed while playing a heated game of NTN trivia. Shout outs to the nouveau kilt wearing bartender who would serve us our chosen drink without us even asking and was more than happy to pour several tequila shots. Perhaps because of this Andy got so drunk that his words didn't make sense anymore. Outside I got hit on by a gay man which I took as a compliment and then out of nowhere Bob, Jason, Brendan, Pat and Fraser got into a limo, so Andy and I followed and rode for a bit until we realized we had to stick with Stein and Sarah so we could go back to Yonkers that night. Get it? I still don't know where the limo came from, but it happened. We eventually found Stein who had lost his coat and his camera, and in the end we all got back to Yonkers in one piece.
The next day we strapped in for a long, uncomfortable ride and nothing really interesting happened, except Stein left his gas cap at a gas station and when we got to Hamilton we stopped at our old university hangout, "Tally Ho" for some roast beef and gravy sandwiches.
And that's the end of the official trip recap, brought to you by Sony's Playstation 3. Did you feel like you were right there with me? I hope not, because I wasn't particularly descriptive. But if you did I don't mind, it just means you're kind of strange. I hope you enjoyed it though. I hope this wasn't the kind of thing where you came back to the blog every day hoping the recap was over. Did you like the stuff I posted while I was away? Did it satisfy hunger like a Snickers bar? I KNOW IT DID. See you tomorrow, work hard today.
My roomate/girlfriend/regular friend by default is away this week, so last night I took advantage of my solitude and took a bubble bath. I could take a bath when she's here, but I think an adult bath requires peace and quiet, and if she was here she may burst into the bathroom to utilize the toilet or tease her hair or something and that would ruin the zen vibes I would no doubt attain.
Anyway, once I perfected the temperature of the water, which took a good 10 minutes and resulted in several minor burns, the bath was on and I was in full relax mode with the aim to finish a book I had been reading. Things were going great until I got paranoid that some psycho would break in and rip my nuts off and all that. I was vulnerable. I started hearing noises so as soon I was done my book I got out. I was probably in there for about 20 minutes or so, which is all you really need. There was no psyhco, it was just the heater in the bathroom making creaking noises. But still. A solitary bubble bath is the beginning of a horror movie and I wanted no part of one.
LAST FULL DAY - Time for a show
By Friday more of our friends showed up to do the show. Don't worry about their names, they'll come up later. Plus, you probably don't know them anyway. It's like when you meet someone new and they start telling you a story and instead of saying "Me and my friend did this and that", they say "Me and Scott did this and that" and you're all like "I barely know your name, why do I need to know this friend of yours? Scott? Who is this guy?" Is that a thing? Know what I mean?
We didn't do much except all day except eat $5 subs and prepare for the show at Phil's place and the theatre/gay bar we did it at. Here is what some of that looked like:
That's Phil and Erin and that's Top Gun on TV. Neat, huh?We did a tech run of the show at the theatre at 4:30 and then we had 4 hours to kill before we had to be back for the show. We killed all 4 hours at a cafe/sports bar across the street and I was starting to get a cold. So things weren't all baby's smiles and lolipops.
We then met up with fellow comedy guys Pat, Bob, Jason and Fraser in a park adjacent to the theatre and as soon as we arrived Bob and Pat got in trouble with the boys in blue for drinking in public. Apparently the whole myth of being able to drink in public in New York as long as you have a paper bag is just that - a myth. The ticket was on $25 so no big deal. I piss $25 guy. You want $25? Who doesn't? What? Money. Power. Food. Ladies. Cool jeans.
The show went on and I think it went pretty darn okay. We did Jet Fighter Pilots and a Polecats set and people seemed to laugh, which is ultimately the goal with comedy. The best part about the whole deal was the the performers got to drink for free, so after the show we all saddled up to the bar and got trashed while playing a heated game of NTN trivia. Shout outs to the nouveau kilt wearing bartender who would serve us our chosen drink without us even asking and was more than happy to pour several tequila shots. Perhaps because of this Andy got so drunk that his words didn't make sense anymore. Outside I got hit on by a gay man which I took as a compliment and then out of nowhere Bob, Jason, Brendan, Pat and Fraser got into a limo, so Andy and I followed and rode for a bit until we realized we had to stick with Stein and Sarah so we could go back to Yonkers that night. Get it? I still don't know where the limo came from, but it happened. We eventually found Stein who had lost his coat and his camera, and in the end we all got back to Yonkers in one piece.
The next day we strapped in for a long, uncomfortable ride and nothing really interesting happened, except Stein left his gas cap at a gas station and when we got to Hamilton we stopped at our old university hangout, "Tally Ho" for some roast beef and gravy sandwiches.
And that's the end of the official trip recap, brought to you by Sony's Playstation 3. Did you feel like you were right there with me? I hope not, because I wasn't particularly descriptive. But if you did I don't mind, it just means you're kind of strange. I hope you enjoyed it though. I hope this wasn't the kind of thing where you came back to the blog every day hoping the recap was over. Did you like the stuff I posted while I was away? Did it satisfy hunger like a Snickers bar? I KNOW IT DID. See you tomorrow, work hard today.
March 4, 2009
THE WEEK THAT WAS PART 3: A LOT OF TALK FOR ONE TRIP
Are there any current events worth mentioning? I feel I need to stay current to please the teens. How about that Jimmy Fallon? A bit of a rocky start, but I think he'll do well. It's too bad that late night talk shows have such a set format. You'd think one of these days they'd mess around a bit. Mess around Jimmy, that's your strength! Let's continue the journey that I took last week:
DAY 5 - Some local culture
Since New York is full of museums and art galleries we figured we might as well see one and decided on the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA or MuMoMart or ModMart ). By this point in the week our partying and lack of sleep had caught up with us so we weren't exactly thrilled to be walking slowly around a large, quiet indoor space, but we saw some good stuff nonetheless.
Here's a picture of Andy in front of Warhol's the Mona Liza or whatever that is by whoever.
That sentence represents the enthusiasm we shared while at the gallery. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate art, but in order to appreciate it I need to be peppy and full of breakfast, instead of tired and full of one banana, which was all I had eaten all day. I think I had more fun watching the people looking at the art, like this arty couple. The guy looked like Weird Al and after analyzing the shit out of a painting they'd make out for awhile then move on and do it all again.
That evening was our big dinner at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill. Myself and Andy had been talking about going to this restaurant for a long time since we've always been big Bobby fans all the way back to the "Grillin' and Chillin'" days. If you don't know what I'm talking about, how about you use the Internet, which you're already using, do some research and come back, otherwise you won't get the full experience and you might learn something along the way about restaurants and southwest flavours.
I stupidly didn't take pictures of the food, but here's a shot of the bar with flame decorations. I had Creamy Wild Mushroom Grits and Grilled Mahi Mahi with Roasted Pineapple Cascabel Chile Sauce and Carmelized Pineapple - Green Onion Salsa. Was it good? Sign up for my fan club and find out. Members also receive a monthly newsletter full of fun, games, recipes and exclusive pictures and interviews, and a fan club patch featuring my logo:
But yeah, it was sooooo good. Everyone loved everything and then it was off to see some authentic NYC comedy at the legendary Comedy Cellar.
Some of the comics were quite good, especially this one guy whose name I can't remember and this other guy named John Mulaney who you'd all like I'm sure. But toward the end of the night when the place was clearing out, the comics got worse and worse and more and more the mic was being used as a dick and we left before the last guy finished. He called us computer guys or something as we were leaving because we were in our Sunday best in honour of Bobby and his food and then he took a stab at the way I was walking which was a bit of a strut (something I tend to do). I spit in his face and then finished his set for him. Actually I just walked away, no big deal guy. I'm so thirsty right now.
DAY 6 - Pick up sticks, hang at Rick's
We started the day at the Nintendo World store that by no means blew my balls to outer space. The coolest part was the display case with a bunch of Nintendo history in it. Otherwise it just felt like a section in Wal Mart. So don't go there when you go to New York unless you're way into Nintendo, but even if you are, you'll probably have the exact same reaction as me. In fact, I dare you to go. If you're tits are blown off with excitement then I owe you some Smarties.
It was then time for Stein to live his dream of playing the big piano at FAO Schwarz a la Tom Hanks in that movie 'BIG' about a kid who grows up and then becomes a kid again and when he's a big guy he bangs but he's only 13, so that's cool and gross.
And here he is, surrounded by children, realizing the dream.
Then we went to Central Park:
See? Central Park. Those are the stairs where King Kong got married in the 1950's. Just kidding. In Home Alone 2 Kevin McAllister hid in a trunk down there I think.
On the way back to home base we cut through the Upper East Side where the Gossip Girls live and there was honestly a candy store situated right beside a Puppy Dog store. No joke. It wasn't a pet store. Exclusive puppies. Imagine how many kids cry outside of those store because they can't have a puppy and some candy? Then again, that area is so wealthy that kids get puppies every time they pass. And some Reese's Pieces at the candy store.
We caught a train to Long Island to catch the Leafs vs. the Islanders in a battle of two really shitty teams. Perhaps because of this we got seats in the first row right behind the penalty box, allowing us to do this...
...any time the Islanders got a penalty. As a big hockey fan, I was very enthused with the access I got to the time keeper's box:
There's a phone! TWO PHONES!!! Anyway, the game was fantastic and the Leafs won again in a shootout. I'll probably never have seats as good as those, so you've now had access to a treasured memory. This whole trip will be treasured actually, along with the time I killed a hawk with one hand and the time I discovered that colds can be cured by reading MAD Magazine and eating beans made by Heinz, earning me the Nobel Prize in 1992.
As they say in North American workplaces, "I'll see you tomorrow". It'll be the last day of New York recaps and then we'll get back to our regularly scheduled program, "Henry Knows Breast" about a dad who has three daughters all with big cans and he's also a plastic surgeon who does breast surgery. Is that already a show? That joke has been made before I think. It sounds familiar. Sorry if it has, I didn't mean to.
DAY 5 - Some local culture
Since New York is full of museums and art galleries we figured we might as well see one and decided on the Museum of Modern Art (MOMA or MuMoMart or ModMart ). By this point in the week our partying and lack of sleep had caught up with us so we weren't exactly thrilled to be walking slowly around a large, quiet indoor space, but we saw some good stuff nonetheless.
Here's a picture of Andy in front of Warhol's the Mona Liza or whatever that is by whoever.That sentence represents the enthusiasm we shared while at the gallery. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate art, but in order to appreciate it I need to be peppy and full of breakfast, instead of tired and full of one banana, which was all I had eaten all day. I think I had more fun watching the people looking at the art, like this arty couple. The guy looked like Weird Al and after analyzing the shit out of a painting they'd make out for awhile then move on and do it all again.
That evening was our big dinner at Bobby Flay's Mesa Grill. Myself and Andy had been talking about going to this restaurant for a long time since we've always been big Bobby fans all the way back to the "Grillin' and Chillin'" days. If you don't know what I'm talking about, how about you use the Internet, which you're already using, do some research and come back, otherwise you won't get the full experience and you might learn something along the way about restaurants and southwest flavours.
I stupidly didn't take pictures of the food, but here's a shot of the bar with flame decorations. I had Creamy Wild Mushroom Grits and Grilled Mahi Mahi with Roasted Pineapple Cascabel Chile Sauce and Carmelized Pineapple - Green Onion Salsa. Was it good? Sign up for my fan club and find out. Members also receive a monthly newsletter full of fun, games, recipes and exclusive pictures and interviews, and a fan club patch featuring my logo:But yeah, it was sooooo good. Everyone loved everything and then it was off to see some authentic NYC comedy at the legendary Comedy Cellar.
Some of the comics were quite good, especially this one guy whose name I can't remember and this other guy named John Mulaney who you'd all like I'm sure. But toward the end of the night when the place was clearing out, the comics got worse and worse and more and more the mic was being used as a dick and we left before the last guy finished. He called us computer guys or something as we were leaving because we were in our Sunday best in honour of Bobby and his food and then he took a stab at the way I was walking which was a bit of a strut (something I tend to do). I spit in his face and then finished his set for him. Actually I just walked away, no big deal guy. I'm so thirsty right now.
DAY 6 - Pick up sticks, hang at Rick's
We started the day at the Nintendo World store that by no means blew my balls to outer space. The coolest part was the display case with a bunch of Nintendo history in it. Otherwise it just felt like a section in Wal Mart. So don't go there when you go to New York unless you're way into Nintendo, but even if you are, you'll probably have the exact same reaction as me. In fact, I dare you to go. If you're tits are blown off with excitement then I owe you some Smarties.
It was then time for Stein to live his dream of playing the big piano at FAO Schwarz a la Tom Hanks in that movie 'BIG' about a kid who grows up and then becomes a kid again and when he's a big guy he bangs but he's only 13, so that's cool and gross.
And here he is, surrounded by children, realizing the dream.Then we went to Central Park:
See? Central Park. Those are the stairs where King Kong got married in the 1950's. Just kidding. In Home Alone 2 Kevin McAllister hid in a trunk down there I think.On the way back to home base we cut through the Upper East Side where the Gossip Girls live and there was honestly a candy store situated right beside a Puppy Dog store. No joke. It wasn't a pet store. Exclusive puppies. Imagine how many kids cry outside of those store because they can't have a puppy and some candy? Then again, that area is so wealthy that kids get puppies every time they pass. And some Reese's Pieces at the candy store.
We caught a train to Long Island to catch the Leafs vs. the Islanders in a battle of two really shitty teams. Perhaps because of this we got seats in the first row right behind the penalty box, allowing us to do this...
...any time the Islanders got a penalty. As a big hockey fan, I was very enthused with the access I got to the time keeper's box:
There's a phone! TWO PHONES!!! Anyway, the game was fantastic and the Leafs won again in a shootout. I'll probably never have seats as good as those, so you've now had access to a treasured memory. This whole trip will be treasured actually, along with the time I killed a hawk with one hand and the time I discovered that colds can be cured by reading MAD Magazine and eating beans made by Heinz, earning me the Nobel Prize in 1992.As they say in North American workplaces, "I'll see you tomorrow". It'll be the last day of New York recaps and then we'll get back to our regularly scheduled program, "Henry Knows Breast" about a dad who has three daughters all with big cans and he's also a plastic surgeon who does breast surgery. Is that already a show? That joke has been made before I think. It sounds familiar. Sorry if it has, I didn't mean to.
March 3, 2009
WEEK THAT WAS PART 2: MORE DAYS OF BEING IN ANOTHER COUNTRY
Yesterday's recap was a touch rushed and I felt it was a bit too pedestrian in its rhetoric. I'm going to try to spruce things up this time around and make things spicier and more exotic, just like a pork dish you'd get at a dog fight in a city like Manila in the middle of August. Sorry Philippines but you're on my hit list today along with rubber boots and big plants.
When I last left off I had just laid down for a drunken sleep following a trip to a bar.
DAY 3 - Functioning while feeling like a pile of burning tires covered in shit with piss steam coming off it
We all got up fairly late on Monday and none of us felt particularly healthy thanks to the liquor we consumed the night before. We went outside to find it colder than an ice cube eating a snowman but trudged on to Times Square regardless. We said "Ooo la la" and then decided to go to the famous Carnegie Deli to eat some food and maybe drink some drinks if we felt like it. I felt like it. I got a Coke. I also ordered the "Woody Allen" which looked like this:
I only ate a quarter of it. Does this make me a pussy? No, it makes me a reasonable man with a reasonable sized stomach. No one at our table finished so we wrapped it all up along with some pickles and stuck it in a plastic bag. We then made our way through the frozen tundra to Rockefeller Center for the NBC Studio tour. At this time we all felt horrible. While waiting for the tour to start, Andy was convinced that one of us had shit our pants because there was a strange smell in the air. Turned out it was just our bag of meat and pickles that we were carrying around, but I wouldn't have been surprised had one of us shit our pants because I almost did. Luckily I found a bathroom, but due to the nature of the excretion, I was worried it would strike again at any moment. Thanks to some Pepto Bismol I weathered the storm. When I was a kid I assumed that Pepto would taste like tomato soup. I also once drank soap because I thought it would taste like fruit punch.
We weren't allowed to take pictures of the tour, but it wasn't that good anyway. The highlight was that we got to go inside Studio 8H (Saturday Night Live) and the lowlight was this British lady who wouldn't shut up about how she lost an earring.
By the time we were done galavanting, we had some time to sit around before our friend Sarah was to take us to this trendy restaurant/bar up the street called "La Esquina". What made it so trendy was that you go into this tiny little diner/taqueria area and then you give your name to this bouncer at a door and if you're on the list they bring you downstairs, through a kitchen and into this bar/restaurant full of young, beautiful trendy types who are drinking and eating Mexican food. We finally got our table and ordered a bunch of delicious small plates, including this:
This is a cricket tostada that Stein, Andy and I tried. Good not great. There was something about those sharp little legs in your mouth. Not bad though. Better get used to eating bugs because when the aliens come and take over our grocery stores you're going to be scrounging for whatever you can find. Go out and east some worms tonight man, it'll do you some good. I don't need to because I already ate crickets.
DAY 4 - A meat feast and some other stuff too
We started off the day by heading downtown so Stein could see Ground Zero/Wall Street/The Statue of Libery, which Andy and I had already seen because we'd been to NYC. Before all that we made sure to stop and check out Ghostbuster's HQ:
That's me standing in front of it, living the dream. We didn't see any ghosts nor any ghostbusters, but this was close enough I guess. That van isn't very exciting. Ghost van?!
We also met up with our friend Pat who was in town selling a TV show and who would be performing with us on Friday at the show. I remember that I was freezing cold. We went to a bar that George Washington apparently drank in and while we were nursing beers we tried to figure out what we wanted to do next. Somehow we decided on going to the ESPN Zone in Times Square to play video games. We should've gone to the Museum of Natural History instead.
The ESPN Zone is a pile of garbage, just like a pair of shitty rubber boots. Seriously. Half the games don't even work and the other half are from 1996. The best game is bowling, but they even messed that up somehow by only having three balls for two lanes. That sounds like it could be hooker code words.
"Whadda got over there Cherry?"
"Three balls, two lanes, four hammers"
That means the hooker is going to have sex with three dudes in two beds and one of them has two dicks equalling four "hammers". That's dumb. Sorry. It could be true though. Just believe!
Frustrated, we went to Pat's hotel room to relax until our Brazilian meat feast. We watched a show called "For the Love of Ray J" which we instantly became fascinated with. It features some of the dumbest women I've ever seen. It also features a really dumb man - Ray J. He's the guy who banged Kim Karshashian and filmed it, you know?
It was finally time for the meat feast which I had been looking forward to big time. You pay $50 and get access to this awesome salad bar that had risotto and sushi and shrimp and stuff and then these waiters bring all the meats of the rainbow on these big spits and you can eat as much as you want AND they serve sides like mashed tates, fried tates, rice, and fried bananas. We had chicken, sausage, ribeye steak, sirloin steak, skirt steak, suckling pig, duck, flank steak, pork tenderloin, lamb, beef ribs and maybe more I can't remember it all. Next time I go I'm not eating anything off the salad bar so I can dedicate myself to the meat. It deserves that kind of respect.
Unfortunately, my weak stomach couldn't handle that much meat and that night I couldn't sleep very well thanks to the constant gurgling and pain in my shit pit. I didn't barf. I pooed though.
That's enough for today. I think I'll need two more days to recap fully. Is that okay with you? There was a lot of poo talk today, which is probably a divisive subject around here. Some of you giggle whilst some of you squirm. It's sort of like watching a show about surgery - it's all natural, but it's still not for everyone. I'd rather watch pooing than heart surgery any day of the week. Talking about poo must have been what I meant when I said I'd spice things up. POO IS THE SPICE OF LIFE. In tomorrow's recap I get into a fight with Woody Allen and I go to the Cosby Museum of Doctor Father Sitcoms in Brooklyn.
When I last left off I had just laid down for a drunken sleep following a trip to a bar.
DAY 3 - Functioning while feeling like a pile of burning tires covered in shit with piss steam coming off it
We all got up fairly late on Monday and none of us felt particularly healthy thanks to the liquor we consumed the night before. We went outside to find it colder than an ice cube eating a snowman but trudged on to Times Square regardless. We said "Ooo la la" and then decided to go to the famous Carnegie Deli to eat some food and maybe drink some drinks if we felt like it. I felt like it. I got a Coke. I also ordered the "Woody Allen" which looked like this:
I only ate a quarter of it. Does this make me a pussy? No, it makes me a reasonable man with a reasonable sized stomach. No one at our table finished so we wrapped it all up along with some pickles and stuck it in a plastic bag. We then made our way through the frozen tundra to Rockefeller Center for the NBC Studio tour. At this time we all felt horrible. While waiting for the tour to start, Andy was convinced that one of us had shit our pants because there was a strange smell in the air. Turned out it was just our bag of meat and pickles that we were carrying around, but I wouldn't have been surprised had one of us shit our pants because I almost did. Luckily I found a bathroom, but due to the nature of the excretion, I was worried it would strike again at any moment. Thanks to some Pepto Bismol I weathered the storm. When I was a kid I assumed that Pepto would taste like tomato soup. I also once drank soap because I thought it would taste like fruit punch.We weren't allowed to take pictures of the tour, but it wasn't that good anyway. The highlight was that we got to go inside Studio 8H (Saturday Night Live) and the lowlight was this British lady who wouldn't shut up about how she lost an earring.
By the time we were done galavanting, we had some time to sit around before our friend Sarah was to take us to this trendy restaurant/bar up the street called "La Esquina". What made it so trendy was that you go into this tiny little diner/taqueria area and then you give your name to this bouncer at a door and if you're on the list they bring you downstairs, through a kitchen and into this bar/restaurant full of young, beautiful trendy types who are drinking and eating Mexican food. We finally got our table and ordered a bunch of delicious small plates, including this:
This is a cricket tostada that Stein, Andy and I tried. Good not great. There was something about those sharp little legs in your mouth. Not bad though. Better get used to eating bugs because when the aliens come and take over our grocery stores you're going to be scrounging for whatever you can find. Go out and east some worms tonight man, it'll do you some good. I don't need to because I already ate crickets.DAY 4 - A meat feast and some other stuff too
We started off the day by heading downtown so Stein could see Ground Zero/Wall Street/The Statue of Libery, which Andy and I had already seen because we'd been to NYC. Before all that we made sure to stop and check out Ghostbuster's HQ:
That's me standing in front of it, living the dream. We didn't see any ghosts nor any ghostbusters, but this was close enough I guess. That van isn't very exciting. Ghost van?!We also met up with our friend Pat who was in town selling a TV show and who would be performing with us on Friday at the show. I remember that I was freezing cold. We went to a bar that George Washington apparently drank in and while we were nursing beers we tried to figure out what we wanted to do next. Somehow we decided on going to the ESPN Zone in Times Square to play video games. We should've gone to the Museum of Natural History instead.
The ESPN Zone is a pile of garbage, just like a pair of shitty rubber boots. Seriously. Half the games don't even work and the other half are from 1996. The best game is bowling, but they even messed that up somehow by only having three balls for two lanes. That sounds like it could be hooker code words.
"Whadda got over there Cherry?"
"Three balls, two lanes, four hammers"
That means the hooker is going to have sex with three dudes in two beds and one of them has two dicks equalling four "hammers". That's dumb. Sorry. It could be true though. Just believe!
Frustrated, we went to Pat's hotel room to relax until our Brazilian meat feast. We watched a show called "For the Love of Ray J" which we instantly became fascinated with. It features some of the dumbest women I've ever seen. It also features a really dumb man - Ray J. He's the guy who banged Kim Karshashian and filmed it, you know?
It was finally time for the meat feast which I had been looking forward to big time. You pay $50 and get access to this awesome salad bar that had risotto and sushi and shrimp and stuff and then these waiters bring all the meats of the rainbow on these big spits and you can eat as much as you want AND they serve sides like mashed tates, fried tates, rice, and fried bananas. We had chicken, sausage, ribeye steak, sirloin steak, skirt steak, suckling pig, duck, flank steak, pork tenderloin, lamb, beef ribs and maybe more I can't remember it all. Next time I go I'm not eating anything off the salad bar so I can dedicate myself to the meat. It deserves that kind of respect.
Unfortunately, my weak stomach couldn't handle that much meat and that night I couldn't sleep very well thanks to the constant gurgling and pain in my shit pit. I didn't barf. I pooed though.
That's enough for today. I think I'll need two more days to recap fully. Is that okay with you? There was a lot of poo talk today, which is probably a divisive subject around here. Some of you giggle whilst some of you squirm. It's sort of like watching a show about surgery - it's all natural, but it's still not for everyone. I'd rather watch pooing than heart surgery any day of the week. Talking about poo must have been what I meant when I said I'd spice things up. POO IS THE SPICE OF LIFE. In tomorrow's recap I get into a fight with Woody Allen and I go to the Cosby Museum of Doctor Father Sitcoms in Brooklyn.
March 2, 2009
THE WEEK THAT WAS PART 1: THE WEEK THAT WAS #1 OF 2 OR 3 I DON'T KNOW YET WE'LL SEE
I'm back from my trip to New York City, and I'm still alive. I'm also wiser, taller, my hair is longer, my pants dirtier, I'm smoother, I'm not tanned and my clothes smell like garbage!
The trip was a great success. If you didn't know before, the original reason we went was to see a couple of New York area Toronto Maple Leaf hockey matches, but then we booked a comedy show and a bunch of our friends came toward the end oh yah.
Now strap on you best bra, slice up some pears and allow me to whisk you away to Memory Road at Cool Times Street in the Vacation District of my brain, and enjoy part one of the New York February 2009 Toronto Maple Leaf Comedy Show Road Trip (with select pictures).
DAY 1 - Driving to New York and getting to New York
We drove a Subaru Impreza car to the state of New York, and in it were myself, this guy named Stein and this guy named Andy. We were relying on my dad's GPS navigator so confidence was high and so was excitement because road trips with dudes are big in a man's life. Things hit a snag when Andy dropped the GPS and somehow managed to turn down the volume on the female voice who was guiding us, thus when we reached an important step along the way, we didn't hear the lady and missed an exit and so it plotted us a new course based on our mistake. Instead of driving across New York State, our new course was to head south through Pennsylvania and New Jersey and into NYC. It turned out this wasn't so bad because along the way we found one of these in a tiny town named 'Homer' I think:
If you're stupid you'll need me to tell you that this is an old time A&W drive through where the town babes work and bring your hamburgers to your car. After a solid round of root beers and aforementioned hamburgers, we embarked once more, passing several other towns with funny names such as:
AHAHAHAHA "PORTLAND" ahahahahahah.
Just kidding, it says "Buttzville". That's the funniest thing 100%.
We reached our destination of Yonkers where we were to park our car in front of our friend Sarah's house for the week after driving through the top part of Manhattan, across the George Washington Bridge which shook up driver Stein a touch. What a baby. What a stupid baby.
We were greeted by Sarah and her roommates with a spaghetti dinner and some cans of beer. They wanted to take us into the city that night to party hard, which I was weary about because I quite simply wanted to go to bed after a 9 hour car ride and running on 4 hours of sleep (I had to watch the last Conan the night before). But you can never stop a party, and wasn't about to try so away we went on a train to the city to this bar called "The Continental" who boasts a deal of 5 shots for 10 dollars.
After several shots and a couple of brews, I called it quits and got real tired real fast, although my companions were more than willing to keep the party alive until the bar closed at 4. So I sat there half dead for a couple of hours until we left and I slept poorly in Yonkers on an air mattress.
DAY 2 - Movin' In and New York Rangers
We went to Manhattan the next day to meet up with our other friend Sarah who was going to let us into her boyfriend's apartment where we were to stay the whole week. We also met up with Vince who was our 4th companion and who flew in that day. After waiting in the rain for half an hour outside the place on Lafayaette Street in the Nolita region, Sarah showed up and let us into this place:
It was cozy, but it did the job. Like a cave that a bear sleeps in, you know? It ain't the Ritz, but a guy can sleep in it for sure. There was no way to control the heat and most of the time it was freezing, so just like a bear, you grow more fur, or in this case, just put on more shirts.
Then we went here to a Rangers/Leafs game at Madison Square Garden and we got to see two numbers being retired in a very long, but touching ceremony. Fans in New York are big time serious and we couldn't cheer for the Leafs without getting heckled real bad by the die hard fans. This one old guy seriously wanted to fight us just because we were happy the Leafs scored.
Following the game we went to a bar where our friend Phil tends bar. After everyone in the bar left we got wild:
We left at 4:30 and woke up our neighbour trying to open the door to the apartment.
That's all for today, I'm sick of recapping. I'm not going to go into as much detail from now on unless you really want me to. I'm going to concentrate on quality not quantity for the next couple of recaps. Sound good? GOOD.
The trip was a great success. If you didn't know before, the original reason we went was to see a couple of New York area Toronto Maple Leaf hockey matches, but then we booked a comedy show and a bunch of our friends came toward the end oh yah.
Now strap on you best bra, slice up some pears and allow me to whisk you away to Memory Road at Cool Times Street in the Vacation District of my brain, and enjoy part one of the New York February 2009 Toronto Maple Leaf Comedy Show Road Trip (with select pictures).
DAY 1 - Driving to New York and getting to New York
We drove a Subaru Impreza car to the state of New York, and in it were myself, this guy named Stein and this guy named Andy. We were relying on my dad's GPS navigator so confidence was high and so was excitement because road trips with dudes are big in a man's life. Things hit a snag when Andy dropped the GPS and somehow managed to turn down the volume on the female voice who was guiding us, thus when we reached an important step along the way, we didn't hear the lady and missed an exit and so it plotted us a new course based on our mistake. Instead of driving across New York State, our new course was to head south through Pennsylvania and New Jersey and into NYC. It turned out this wasn't so bad because along the way we found one of these in a tiny town named 'Homer' I think:
If you're stupid you'll need me to tell you that this is an old time A&W drive through where the town babes work and bring your hamburgers to your car. After a solid round of root beers and aforementioned hamburgers, we embarked once more, passing several other towns with funny names such as:
AHAHAHAHA "PORTLAND" ahahahahahah.Just kidding, it says "Buttzville". That's the funniest thing 100%.
We reached our destination of Yonkers where we were to park our car in front of our friend Sarah's house for the week after driving through the top part of Manhattan, across the George Washington Bridge which shook up driver Stein a touch. What a baby. What a stupid baby.
We were greeted by Sarah and her roommates with a spaghetti dinner and some cans of beer. They wanted to take us into the city that night to party hard, which I was weary about because I quite simply wanted to go to bed after a 9 hour car ride and running on 4 hours of sleep (I had to watch the last Conan the night before). But you can never stop a party, and wasn't about to try so away we went on a train to the city to this bar called "The Continental" who boasts a deal of 5 shots for 10 dollars.
After several shots and a couple of brews, I called it quits and got real tired real fast, although my companions were more than willing to keep the party alive until the bar closed at 4. So I sat there half dead for a couple of hours until we left and I slept poorly in Yonkers on an air mattress.
DAY 2 - Movin' In and New York Rangers
We went to Manhattan the next day to meet up with our other friend Sarah who was going to let us into her boyfriend's apartment where we were to stay the whole week. We also met up with Vince who was our 4th companion and who flew in that day. After waiting in the rain for half an hour outside the place on Lafayaette Street in the Nolita region, Sarah showed up and let us into this place:
It was cozy, but it did the job. Like a cave that a bear sleeps in, you know? It ain't the Ritz, but a guy can sleep in it for sure. There was no way to control the heat and most of the time it was freezing, so just like a bear, you grow more fur, or in this case, just put on more shirts.
Then we went here to a Rangers/Leafs game at Madison Square Garden and we got to see two numbers being retired in a very long, but touching ceremony. Fans in New York are big time serious and we couldn't cheer for the Leafs without getting heckled real bad by the die hard fans. This one old guy seriously wanted to fight us just because we were happy the Leafs scored.Following the game we went to a bar where our friend Phil tends bar. After everyone in the bar left we got wild:
We left at 4:30 and woke up our neighbour trying to open the door to the apartment.That's all for today, I'm sick of recapping. I'm not going to go into as much detail from now on unless you really want me to. I'm going to concentrate on quality not quantity for the next couple of recaps. Sound good? GOOD.
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