GRAB A HOLD OF ME AND TWIST WHEN I SAY 'SPICY'

There's no way in mom's apple pie that I'd let this blog go one whole month without posting SOMETHING. I could just stop here and it would count you know, but I'm not that type of guy, I'm more of an emotional giver with got both style and substance and a basic understanding of the Monkees. Admittedly, I've been distracted with other stuff thus far in 2011 and don't feel I have much to tell anyone in this forum. BUT, there are several ways to make a blog post seem substantial even if you have nothing substantial to talk about. First, you can plug stuff:

I'll be doing this on Monday:

Trampoline Hall is a lecture series where men and women give lectures on things they're not experts on. It's also the name of the grandest indoor structure in the Frog Kingdom, paved with crystal and a dressed in a rare moss that sings if you give it steam.

My first reaction I had when I was asked to do this was "I'm not an asshole" so I'm lecturing on assholes and I never fight my first reaction unless I'm sure my second reaction is going to be a funny sounding barf. I'm pretty nervous because apparently this is a tough crowd, but I know how to beat tough crowds -- dress neutral, smile, but not too much, and when the audience clearly doesn't like something you say, use body language to agree with them. "That's the only advice you'll ever need, kid" - The Movies.

Secondly, I'd like to direct your beautiful eyes over to my new Tumblr page where I post pictures I've taken of still pictures on my TV. This day in age, if you don't have a Tumblr, a pair of sneakers and a Smartphone, you might as well dunk your own head in the toilet because someone's bound to do it for you, you sniveling yellow smear.

You can also talk about pop culture. Here are some quick jokes to tell at your next book club meeting or sex-related key party:

Charlie Sheen is publicly, pubic-ly, and publicity crazy

What's with Libya these days? Are they old-fashioned or what?

The Oscars were shitty again this year... try telling that to Natalie Portman

A computer beat some humans at Jeopardy recently which makes sense because computers don't have dinner and sex on their mind

Hopefully I'll get back into the swing of posting more bloggies like I did when I posted every day. I'm getting a new computer soon, which will either help, or distract, depending on how smooth the new edition of Garageband is. I thought of a killer new melody today that's equal parts funk, soul and John Williams.