Dear Current Events,
I'm not that interested in you right now. Your World Cup of sports doesn't feature my favourite countries (Canada and Toronto) and I generally prefer those sports whose participants don't look like the line outside ___________ Nightclub/Supper Club/Hair Club/North Mississauga Catholic High School.
Your G20 summit is the lava to our summertime fun's small mountainside village, even though I'm lucky enough to have escaped the hot mud, coming at you live from Montreal thanks to my work who thought it important to protect its most valuable asset. Don't worry though mom, I'll be back on Friday just as Greenpeace is chopping down the CN Tower to protest outdoor pissings, and right before Mothers Against Drunk Driving explode the Eaton Centre using only the tastiest cocktails to literally show how alcohol can destroy the teen dream.
I'm just paranoid though. All this is coming from the guy who doesn't trust babes and strippers because he feels they're only out to trick you. Best thing about Montreal so far? Good bananas. Me and my friends once put on a play here and for three weeks 9 of us slept in a 2 bedroom apartment and ate a lot of beans and bread. Trivia question - name the baseball team that used to play here...
Answer - The Montreal Detectives
They were led by the great pitcher Reek Priest (#6), who once pitched an entire game with half a beard.
Do you guys have that thing where whenever you think of Right Said Fred you picture Drop Dead Fred? And it's SO FUNNY because Right Said Fred were known for being baldos while Drop Dead Fred was known for a truly outrageous mop! What a crazy world it is that we vacation in.
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