PUT A MAN'S MAN IN A GARDEN CENTRE AND HE'LL GO STRAIGHT FOR THE CACTI

I hope all your lives have been positively impacted by yesterday's e-book on the season we call "spring". It was designed to stimulate the part of your brain that loves lemonade and beef jerky.

Beef jerky hasn't changed much over the years, and its biggest fans are still working men with beards who love hunting. If you do the math, the bourgeoisie will get into jerky pretty soon because food trends in the human world are cyclical, just like the tightness of jeans. Here's the cycle:
Right now, the dukes and lords are way into sushi and other stuff that isn't cooked because their yoga teachers got the game on lockdown, so they're back at the top of the cycle, but not for long. Once these trends trickle down to the commoners, and sushi is available in bags down at the local 7/11 in flavours such as Southwest Hot Dog, the richest of the rich will want to move on, which is when they'll hit Jerky. Ronco's Food Dehydrators will become as desirable as Faberge Eggs and the Fruit Roll-Up Co. will enjoy a resurgence.

I can't say for sure that everything I've just said will come true, but if nothing else it reminded me that I don't eat enough jerky and Fruit Roll-Ups, which interestingly enough, were invented when an eccentric candy man desired a toilet paper he could eat after using.