RAN AWAY PARTYING

Because our last couple of summers here in Toad-ronto have been the meteorological equivalent of bull crap on toast with a side of dog shit and moose piss for dessert, I've learned not to take nice days for granted. Hence, last weekend I made full use of Earth's exterior and strung together a nice little few days.

The key to enjoying nice days is preparation. Thanks to the real life seers who predict the weather, myself and an entire city were hotly anticipating Friday, Saturday and Sunday, so I spent most of the week, mentally, physically and psychologically preparing for what was to come. I told everyone I knew that I'd be in the park all day Friday with a baseball mitt and a baseball ball. I also brought along a book, a notebook, sunscreen, an iPod and some beers that were bought the day before, because despite its name, "Good Friday" is bad for the Beer Store being open. Also knowing that the grocery store would be closed because Jesus HATED shopping on Fridays, I bought some sausages and some buns on Thursday knowing full well that someone's grill would be lit. I was right and we ate sausages.

I really patted my own rear for having the foresight to apply sunscreen, but I missed a few spots on my forehead and scalp, so now I have what looks like a birthmark on my head. I wore a hat to cover it up most of the weekend because to me, looks are the most important thing in the world next to money and tight pants on foxy chicks.

WHAT I LEARNED

I was talking about capes with a few friends and someone mentioned how capes and hats were originally worn to ward off the shit that was thrown out the window by our idiotic ancestors who couldn't figure out the science of toilets. I like to think that the reason superheros started wearing capes was when Superman first started fighting crime in Metropolis and people were weary of him so they threw their shit in his direction when he'd leap on by. I like to picture him at the library, reading Earth's books on early fashions and after several hours and several Earl Grey teas, he finally came across the cape, which he saw as the perfect shit thwarting accoutrement to his "just tights" costume.

My birthday is on Thursday, and already my most ardent supporters have been showering me with gifts. My brother and sister go me these shoes:
My dad made me a pen worthy of the president of a large corporation and my mom bomb got me some new threads and some European currency for my upcoming trip to the Italian continent.