DON'T HAVE A FAVOURITE COLOUR? HOW ABOUT MEDIUM GREEN?

It's days like this that I feel like a big pile of hay -- hay being the most boring substance on Earth next to paper. It's hard to be the host of a website such as this when you feel like a pile of hay, because you readers are like sharks. Sharks don't eat hay because it tastes like hay, and like humans, sharks enjoy the pleasure derived from tasty things like meat and shrimp. Meat and shrimp are packed not only with nutrients and world class flavour nooks, but also hilarious jokes and pop culture critiques. I'm going to potentially make an ass out of you and me, and choose to believe that you understand what on God's Green Shirt I'm talking about.

The point of all that avoiding spelling out my mood, was to avoid stating the obvious which is:

I always start my day with a big mug of loose excrement

That fat cat Garfield was right about everything, from loving lasagna to hating dogs and Mondays. That guy hated Mondays and he didn't even work! Is that why people thought it was so funny, or was it because it was coming from a generally funny cat?

Anyway, it's real tough for the privileged to go to a job after a weekend packed with experiences that would get a "thumbs up" from most modern party champions. Not the kind of party champions who go to exclusive events and Internet-approved bars and clubs; the kind who need to be holding an open cell phone, a cigarette or a Internet-approved value beer or else see their cred be flushed down the cocaine-dusted toilet bowl. I don't go to those things because they never serve chicken wings and I can only handle so many female bangs before I throw up my arms and say "save us Vidal Sassoon!!"

On Friday me and the fellas put on the third edition of GONG THE SHOW and it was the best one yet. Here are some choice shots from disgruntled Raptors fan, Andrew Steenberg:

Law & Order alumnist Phil Burke gets some "face time" with host Brendan Halloran

Georgea and Sarah dressed as cats have a cat fight, which straddled the line between adult entertainment and funny adult entertainment.

I played a middle-aged man that happened to walk by the bar and became a judge, while Andy portrayed strung out businessman who didn't know what year it was.

Greg Cochrane amazes by playing something called a "Stringed Jolly"

Mark Andrada drinks 12 eggs with beer and spit, while cat lady Georgea and 3-time champ Jon Blair stand by to catch vomit.

I also played a rousing game of frisbee golf with DJ Wes Allen, and this guy from Connecticut we met on the course who loves the Legend of Zelda waaaaaay more than frisbee golf. He kind of reminded me of Gandhi from Clone High, but I say that about every American guy I meet.

On Sunday I went to the Queen West Art Crawl to check out Rachael and Julia's respective booths, while eating corn and pork before playing a three man tennis match. Beat that you socialites! I just love taking advantage of a mixed-use facility such as The Park. All your activities blend into a delicious smooth drink:

The art inspired my hunger, which led to the corn, which inspired my tum tum to eat a pork sandwich, which gave me fuel to play tennis, artful tennis, beautiful ground strokes inspired by the strokes of the art and artists I had just seen. Then I visited mom and dad!

My next post will be post #500, and will feature a collection of this site's top poo jokes over the years, as well as greetings from some of your favourite characters like fart king Dingbat Ploof and absentee father, Wade Boggs.