GUNK WILL SEE YOU NOW

The Oscar nominations are in!

I got 0 nominations but that curly-haired, beady-eyed, nice belly-buttoned Jesse Eisenberg got one?

I used to make him eat old bird nests out of the toilet when we were growing up together in Las Vegas. He kept crying "I didn't do nothin'! My father whips me with his ties and my mom makes me play giraffes with her every day after tea, life is hard enough."

Enjoy it, asshole. Say hi to Tom Hanks for me. Knowing you it'll come out, "Hi Tim! I mean...Ron...do you have the time? Oh, I have a watch....no, it's just a nice bracelet wawawawa".

I'm not too worried. The play I'm acting in premieres February 1st and should garner me at least one Tony and probably a couple of Source awards. Everyone in the play rules, and will do a great job entertaining you and your guest(s). "Your gues(s)t(e)(s) are (is) as good as mine!" HAHAHA. Seriously, bring that girl you're trying to bonk.


Here's a poem about lunch:

When you don't make your lunch you have to go buy it
Explore your area, pick a restaurant and try it

Subway has sandwiches, cookies and chips
Edo Japan's teriyaki will stiffen your nips

If there was a half decent burrito place in this area, I'd eat so many that my hair would start secreting burrito slime instead of essential oils and my skin would turn to tortilla. Sure, the birds would peck but my tongue and sense of satisfaction would raise to levels not seen since my dad installed a Wendy's in our house instead of a bathroom by mistake in 1994. We got tired of it and the staff wasn't very friendly.