Doctor Doctor
Gimme your shoes
I got a
whole bunch
of itchy news
That parody song serves as a reasonable intro to the following information about my life because lately I've been itchier than ever.
I keep getting these little hives, and my initial reaction was "BED BUGS", because the news will have you believe that they're responsible for most itchies in Toronto today. But since the skin of the lady who shares my bed remains a deep olive brown, free of white bumpettes and red splatters, I've pretty much ruled out an infestation. So what can it be? My only change in lifestyle recently is that I bought a new brand of toilet paper, but my rump is just fine, so I don't think it's that.
Perhaps someone is trying to.....
POISON ME?!!!!
No way. My only goal in life is to die with no one hating me, so I treat everyone with the utmost respect and go into every meet with a hand-based greeting and a million dollar smile that screams honesty and says "I want to get along with you". The only guy I ever got into a fight with didn't like me because I was cooler than him, and he responded by stealing my wallet, so I told his mom, then took his family's shoes and scattered them around the neighbourhood. Don't poison me unless you really hate your shoes.
I was just running some standard Google image searches to add some zing to this post. Oh man, whatever you do, don't Google image search "rash" or you'll get an eyeful of the worst kind of red on the worst kinds of human areas. It is because of this that there will be no pictures today. For Nard Secrets and Feelings Wolfmansion, I'm Glenn, signing off.
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