WHEN IS THE NEXT ADVANCEMENT IN SCREEN WINDOW TECHNOLOGY GOING TO COME AROUND?

What did I do on the weekend, Darryl?

Oh nothing much...

...just WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP OF REC LEAGUE, CO-ED SOFTBALL, PLAYED THE BEST TENNIS OF MY LIFE, WATCHED LIVE MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL, DOMINATED A BEACH AND ATTENDED A COMEDY NIGHT.

Today I went to work and did laundry. BUT WHILE DOING LAUNDRY I DRANK A BIG, COOL ICED TEA. There were a lot of little bugs in the laundromat though, which made my already itchy skin feel itchier thanks to my highly evolved human mind. Do dolphins get itchy? They must. If there's anything all us animals hate, it's bein' itchy. If the Worldwide Council of Earthen Life congregated, the first topic would be "itches" and then things would go to shit because the humans would complain about too many rats and the vipers would complain there aren't enough rats while the rats mutter to themselves in a heavy, New York accent, "we don't give a fuck, all we need is garbage and dirt pisan, pass another jug of free piss".

This week I'll be heading in for my last haircut of the summer. Once you start losing your hair, haircuts aren't about excitement and new looks. It's more like cutting your toenails or bathing your dirty old dog -- it's just something you gotta do or else people will think you're some sort of wolf man with a smelly pet. Sometimes in public I'll be wearing some home cut jean shorts and an old basketball jersey and I get scared people will think I'm a vagrant of some sort, which is of course preposterous, but so is cooking in a dark kitchen for a week because you don't feel like buying light bulbs. Anyway, when I feel like this I make an effort to highlight something that makes me look like a successful businessman, like I'll check my phone or take out my Mat & Nat wallet and flash it around a bit. The good thing about having a decent wallet is that you don't even need money in it to impress people. I learned that from a course I took called "RICH ON THE OUTSIDE", where I also found out that you should always have something shiny on, even if its just a piece of tin foil dangling from inside your nose.