BRING YOUR SEWING MACHINE, WE'RE MAKING CREME BRULEE

Holy cow you craps, my boss (my brain) just released the Victoria Day long weekend audit report, and the numbers are looking good:

100% of all dinners involved beef, 75% with beef and seafood.
100% of days featured an all-star supporting cast of family and friends.
UV rays were set to moderate.
1 new hat out of 7 new hats, 3 new t-shirts out of 6 new shirts fully deployed.
Zero hangovers.
Healthy mix of parties, live stage shows and nature.
56 extra gigantic, dick shaped condoms used, oooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!

To celebrate this, the company (my body) is going to Subway later.

Holy crap you cows, it was seriously a good long weekend. So good that last night I slept for over ten hours. The doctors say that's not so good for you, which I now understand because I can't see straight and when I do see something it's tinted green. Maybe I just have Shrek 4 fever!

Trying to pick highlights out of a weekend of highlights is a rewarding, yet tough job, not unlike being the judge of a tits competition. Here are the creams of the crops:

Seeing Conan O'Brien live
Having a double mom/girlfriend birthday visit/feast
Going to the island, eating hot dogs, playing bocce and watching geese fight

Is it rude to brag like that? The only things missing were BMX bikes.

On Saturday I take off to Italy for two weeks. Now I know how Michael J. Fox felt when he was filming Back to the Future AND Family Ties at the same time, because I'm smack in the middle of "the best my year will get". Can any seers confirm this? If so then I'm going to make the trip worthwhile and steal at least one famous Italian brand shoe, and if not I'm going to vacation like I ride a bike -- cautiously and with a helmet, but not cautious enough that I can't scope wandering chicas.

AGRICULTURAL UPDATE

Back in the old days, herbs used to grow everywhere and were only used by peasants to flavour shoe stews and bark sandwiches. Soon, Kings from sea to sea realized how cool herbs were and they became a regular bourgeois supermarket staple alongside the marshmallows and de-alcoholized beer.

Now, I'm a dream hunk who is not only handsome, but loves to cook, so for awhile I've wanted an herb garden to call "Glenn's Edible Weeds" so I can cook on demand when my chicky pie gets hunger pains for some fresh dishes. On the weekend my mom gave me a little herb garden and I put it on our fire escape, ready to treat it like an aromatic child. But then today I went to check on it and the parsley is already droopin'! I think it's because it's so hot out. Anyway, I'm looking to bounce back big time in time for summer harvest.

That's another good thing that happened on the weekend -- I got herbs.