Before I went shopping this morning to buy each one of the birthday friends **SPOILER ALERT** a cute little cactus, I sat down with my birds and read the paper. Yesterday I made fun of the news, because that's what my heart told me to do, but today I think I'll take a more scientific approach and analyze it.
First, there's this story about a little town whose annual turtle race was canceled because some people heard about it and got really pizzed. To those people I say -- wipe a butt! I could understand being mad at a turtle hunt or turtle baseball, but to chastise a small town for getting some shells together for a race, then returning them to what's probably a very cute little river, is just plain shitty. "One Burlington man called the race an “odious and despicable game” and Ailsa Craig a “poorly educated backwoods community.” I call that one Burlington man "stupid and old". He should mind his business and go back to watering his suburban driveway.
Then there was an article on Rob Ford, a big man who wants to be Mayor of Toronto. When I saw this picture of him, I thought I was looking at a villain in the next Batman film:
It's like he's running for mayor, but really he's just a puppet of the Joker and once he wins the election, and is sitting in a hot tub full of ladies smoking a cigar, the Joker comes in and kills him. Look at the button! That's a prop!He looks a lot like the Rush Limbaugh character on the Simpsons, "Birch Barlow":
Have a good weekend, readers of the screen, have fun, stay cool and make your own granola to save money.
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