July 15, 2010


Yesterday I was riding my bike across Queen St. here in Toronto and I swear, 85% of girls I passed were hot babes. I feel bad for the other 15% because it's not like they were trolls or anything, they just had big time competition.

Summer is season of skin and those who think their skin, valleys, peaks and nose are top of the pops want to show it off. It's not unlike New Zealand having the opportunity to show its tits throughout the Lord of the Rings trilogy. You see humans and the Earth aren't that different from one another:

Grass = Skin
Mountains = Boobs or Butts
Hills = Chins
Roads = Scabs
Oceans = Tears
Magnetic Hill = The Brain
Lakes = Sweat
National Parks = The Whole Face
Volcanoes = Diarrhea
Rain Forest = Pubes
Plains = That guy Powder I think
Stonehenge = Tattoos

What does all this mean? It doesn't mean anything, except that the most perfect moment in life would be to lie with a hot chick in a valley with a lake which will give your Magnetic Hill the most intense Yin Yang you've ever felt, from your Rain Forest to your Hill.

Let's see... what else is in the news?

"It's been a deadly summer for Canada geese south of the border as hundreds have been wiped out in mass killings."

Mayor Beaver has assigned Detective Bear to the case, while Mrs. Frog and Sir Sparrow have set up a crisis centre on the west bank of Lazy Oak Pond. Lawyer Mouse has released a statement persecuting Wise Wolf, who hasn't been seen since the Pumpkin Dance last harvest. Other suspects include Farmer Nick.

"Scientists wielding a powerful supercomputer have cracked the mystery of which came first, the chicken or the egg. The short answer: the chicken."

The team now moves on to their next project which is to scientifically determine exactly how much time and money was wasted on the previous study.


The long answer is also the chicken.

"Apple Inc is likely to announce a fix for the iPhone 4’s reception problems, rather than a recall, at a surprise press conference on the device on Friday, analysts said."

Mel Gibson

See you guys on the trails!

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