January 24, 2012


My hand is alllll better..........

.............if by "better" you mean "butter". My hand is all butter because to a carnivore, this thing looks, smells and no doubt tastes just as good as a bag of hot buttered kernels down at the local screens. Don't believe me? Ask this bear:

Gotta say, he's on the mark on this one. Keep in mind though, if the injured hand is like your "popcorms", then something like, say, the human ass, would be the "hot perfect beef roast", you see? Main course. Like the hand is good, but I'd rather eat your heart mixed with from-the-ground pine needles and washed down with frog-piss swamp water. Keep asking me questions though, I'm enjoying this.

We don't have time. Plus, I know it was you who took the noodles that were cooling on my windowsill. You almost ruined Chinese New Year again. We ordered pizza and my guests said "nah-uh" so I had to convince them it was Chinese by slicing it with a rollerblade. Mission accomplished, barely.

January 5, 2012


"Did you get bitten by a baby?"
"Snap into a SlimJim, brother"
"I think it's a pig"
"My penis looks nicer"
"Is that an old man's dick?"
"A professional jerker"

That there is my hand after they took my cast off. Needless to say, it didn't work as I officially require surgery, which should turn my thumb from a zig zag to a Hitchhiker Straighty.

Those quotes are simple seasoning, you can make up your own if you're bored after dinner tonight.

Since I'll be one handed for another 6 weeks, and won't be able to type up to my usual Mavis Beacon Platinum Level IV -- Silver Eagle Cadet, posts may be few and far between.

In the meantime, I'll be live-blogging daily whenever i feel the need to communicate to another human regular. Foe example, earlier I blogged to a woman at Tim Horton's, "...the one with sausage please". Check me out offline somewhere in the GTA or in your wildest fantasies.
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