The only mystery bigger than "how did this guy get neck deep in coin?" is "what nationality is this guy?". But this biggest mystery of all is "man or woman?"
I've decided that I'm going to keep my current wallet, which does not have a built-in change pouch. "So you're buying a new change purse then? You continue to be a girl trapped in a shitty guy's body," you say. Nope. I'm now a complete man. I initiated a new system that involves keeping change in my pocket during transit, while a "change mug" is kept on my bureau at HQ within which coins are safely stowed until needed. I'm pretty happy with this system because it keeps my pockets light and I still get the safety of the mug. I will now only carry change when I think I'll need it (arcades etc.). I thank all of you for your support during this difficult time and I welcome your feedback regarding the issue.
That paragraph up there probably won't help in attracting new readers, but for all you members, it's a special treat that makes you feel like you're part of a team. Other perks include:
1) A Christmas party at Mandarin where I pick all buffet items. Last year I picked all stews!
2) 1 free pass to a tour of my house - "Journey into the Fabulous". Tours run every Saturday around dinner time.
3) Free hockey skills tips. You can just call me and ask about those. Free of.
The other day I was poppin' wheelies down Richmond on my bike and this guy in a car beside me was blasting some music from former TV pussy and new hot hunk, "Drake" and I heard these lyrics:
I've perfected my craft using
Tryna make some cheese off a single is a process.
GET IT? !
Craft. single. cheese. process.
Sit back and admire the talent that I possess.
At first I was like "baahahahahahahah" but then I was like "sick". There's a missing word there after "using" but none of the shitty lyrics sites had it. Here' s a Weird Al style version:
Now that I'm big I've had a million lays
savin' up to get a barbecue, and poker chips wif a bag
GET IT? !
Lays. Barbecue. Chips. Bag.
Sit back and check out this blue silk rag.
Okay, so mine aren't nearly as good, which probably explains why I'm not rich and sort of dating Rihanna.
Now picture me riding off into the sunset on a boat with a parachute attached to it and the person in the parachute is a naked chick and she's eating pizza. If I get rich this will happen.
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