DON'T STOP UNTIL THE COW CAN AT LEAST SAY "MAMA"

cereal or eggs?

I don't have to make many big decisions during my day, which suits me just fine. It's not that I don't trust myself to make good decisions, it's that decisions can breed regret, regret can breed anger, and anger can breed diarrhea. I bet if you were to ask every major decision-making world leader about their butt troubles they could write you a book as long as the mighty Credit River and as graphic as the image of a world leader pooing big time. But for me, one big decision comes every day at the onset of breakfast. I'm of the mind that breakfast should be fast and easy, except on weekends when you should take the time to stir up all your favourite batters and culturally approved breakfast meat (pork, sausages, steak, but NO CHICKEN MEAT. Only the egg of the chicken).

It's singing a Busta Rhymes song

For me, a weekday breakfast (hard) boils down to two (percent milk) options: cereal or an egg bagel with cheese. Cereal is obviously the fastest option so if I'm in a pinch I'll pour myself a bowl and crunch it pre-soggies while watching Sports Centre (note that I watch Sports Centre with any kind of breakfast meal on any day). Anyway, an egg bagel is fairly quick to assemble as well, and is far heartier, but involves more dishes and more moving parts.

Time isn't the only factor though. If you've read this blog regularly over the last 10 years (it's probably been around for less time, but I didn't feel like checking, mostly because I don't want to stop the flow here. Have you seen how infrequently I've been writing lately? I gotta strike while the pants are still pressed), you'll know that my stomach feels weird a lot. This means that I must choose carefully my breakfast foods based on how I'm feeling. One big problem is that I don't know what causes my tum tum twuble, so it's really just a vibe kind of thing. Imagine I was lactose intolerant all these years and the cereal milk and bagel cheese has been the silent killer this whole time? Not bloody likely if you ask me. In fact, I don't believe that anyone has a gluten allergy or is lactose intolerant. I think it's all a big propaganda chess game between breakfast (dependent on milk) and dinner (reliant on gluten) interests with lunch constantly telling them "come on guys". You can tell which side your doctor is on by what they diagnose you with. If he or she tells you to relax and drink Gatorade it probably means they're one of the lunch guys.

Today I chose egg bagel because I've on a fairly steady cereal run over the last little while. I'm very proud to say that I rarely buy the sweet stuff, concentrating more on the rices, corns and crisps of the cereal world. I also only buy cereal that's on sale. I'd buy Crispix every damn time if it weren't seven dollars and never on sale. The ONLY reason I can think of is because it's in such high demand that they can charge that much, but whenever I tell people it's my favourite they laugh at me as if I preferred Dunn over Brooks.

God creates man, man creates this

BONUS BREAKFAST

Frequently I'll buy the ingredients to makes smoothies. I've definitely talked about these before because I recall renaming them Smooth Cools, so I won't get into too much depth, but here's what I've learned about smoothies:

- They're a good way to get rid of shitty bananas that you wouldn't eat otherwise. You could also make banana bread but I never do because I'm scared the delicious fresh smell will attract robbers.
- The blackberry is the honey dew melon of the berry world, meaning fruit companies and restaurants shove it down your throat because it's probably really cheap. Smoothie-wise they leave too many fat seeds in your drink
- don't blend in a multi-vitamin - you WILL taste it.
- Umm, I thought I'd be able to think of more smoothie tips. You need a blender! Yeah, and a decent sized glass.

That's pretty much it.

Next I'm going to find some pictures to spruce this thing up then I'm going to drink some peppermint tea, but that's a another story altogether....