HOT JUICY CORN FLAKES

Last night I went over to my friend's house to mess around with the Internet's latest critical darling, Chat Roulette. We did some silly stuff and got some good reactions from lonely people and only saw about 4 wieners, so it was a full on success in the minds of all involved.

The reason I bring up Chat Roulette was not because I want to talk about it (it's mostly about wieners), but because I want to use it to introduce my latest blog post which will follow shortly. It's going to be called "Increasing your online presence". First a political cartoon:

Professor Louie glued a dog and kangaroo together and it died in my chair on Easter morning no less

Increasing your online presence

Social media is changing corporate communications faster than Jay Leno can change time slots! A new generation of web savvy communicators has emerged and to keep up with today's changing communications landscape, these former ICQ addicts have to stay on top of every techno trend and maintain a large and favourable web presence. But just how does one accomplish this? How do you keep 6 blogs, multiple Twitter accounts with several hundred followers each and a slammin' LinkedIn profile? As a communications professional and social media guru, I'd like to share some of my secrets, because this new landscape is all about the sharing, flow and creation of ideas. "Don't just watch the revolution. Be a part of it." - A professor.

The best thing you can do to increase the size of your online network is to get nude whenever possible and never hesitate to share your sex thoughts with the masses. No matter how professional someone is, they were once, or more like are, a horn dog, whether or not they admit it. Your openness may not be accepted at first, but visions of butts, boobs, balls, bars, and bras tend to gestate in the human mind until the host desires a quick shot of erotica, which for most males happens every 1-2 mintues. Make sure your XXX's are stocked and ready in the minds of your readers.

The second best thing you can do is to pretend you know everyone and bother as many people as possible. In real life you can't just go up to someone and ask them to be your friend, but on the Internet you can cyber tap anyone on their wiki-shoulder and become blog dawgs even if the person you're bothering doesn't care about you. So yeah, just make friends with as many people as possible and soon you'll be as popular as Zach Morris. Zach Morris of course being the Bessie award winning choreographer.

Finally, spend as much time online as you possibly can. Bringing your laptop to the toilet can add 5-35 minutes of web time a day depending on your gender and regularity. Also, if you have a baby, forget about the damn thing for a few hours! If it starts doing something stupid, just check the Internet (which you'll already be on) and the problem will be solved within seconds. Don't leave it near water though, because babies can't swim and don't have gills yet.

Thanks a lot and don't forget to enroll for my seminar coming up in June called "e-zza party". We're for sure having pizza and I'll talk more about the social media and how you eventually computers are going to come with wheels.