I NEED SOMETHING THAT WILL GET RID OF FINGERNAILS

I wanted to end the week with an informative chart topper of a post, but I had some trouble committing, so I think maybe I'll just sprinkle the screen with a little bit of everything, which in my kitchen is called "makin' pizza".

First, I wanted to go through a fake list of people you may run into this regular weekend. Characters like "talkative fast food restaurant employee", "homeless ghoul", "Chinese lady can collector", "friend who wants to do something that no one wants to do", "person from work you don't want to run into to", "some guy you think is from the Red Green Show", "hot babe who takes you on an adventure but doesn't have sex with you" and "construction worker". The only problem is that they pretty much speak for themselves. A true arteeest gives the audience's brain a diving board from which to dive into their own pool of whatever and swim around doing handstands and water somersaults. Such a shitty band name would be "The Summer Salts". I'm going to check if a band has called themselves that, hold on............ hahahahah yep, http://www.thesummersalts.com/ and of course they have a song called "Broomstick Rock Star". Hey Summer Salts, Everclear called, they want their concept and image back so they can go on a casino tour!



Second, I wanted to do some news jokes in the silly milieu, like I tried back in September '09, a time when Barack Obama was still just a wide-eyed boy growing up on the mean streets of Chicago. But since I don't have time because the weekend has almost begun and I'm dying to take off my work girdle on put on my party straps, I'll instead just give you the tab to the opening of Aerosmith's "Blind Man":

E-F#-A          E-F#-D         E-F#-A        E-F#-D       E-F#-
e---------------------------------------------------------------
B---------------------------------------------------------------
G-----2---------------7--------------2-------------7------------
D-----2---------------7--------------2-------------7------------
A-----0---------------5--------------0-------------5------------
E-0-2-------------0-2------------0-2-----------0-2---------0-2--

Bonus Features

When I was looking for a picture to coincide with that Everclear/Summer Salts burn, I found this picture that I think the general public will enjoy: