I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY DAD HIMSELF

THE PLAN FOR THE WEEKEND

Any weekend requires a delicate balance of party and errands, and this weekend is no different. If all goes to plan, the following is probably what will go down, unless I win Lotto Max, in which case it'll pretty much be the same but with more iPods.

Before I leave the house I have to feed my two mimmys, Tupac and Candy Doll. They're a cross between a kangeroo, a hamster and Adidas has something to do with it also, I forget.

I have to babysit my neighbour Tanya and her doll Patty Cakes and they love nothing more than going to the Pizza Tree at Bathurst and Lawrence:

Next, it's off to visit my personal shopper "Handsome" Howard "The Truth" LePage:

Last weekend, the grunge inspired outfit he put together bagged me six chicks and got me free fries at the club.

Then it's off to L.A., to impersonate Matthew Broderick at the Oscars one final time. There's a picture from last year's ceremony with me and Seth Rogen as Sarah Jessica Parker. This year I heard they're getting David Allen Grier, who is a real pleasure to work with and one of the best cooks I've ever met.

Have a good weekend troops and don't forget to tip your butlers.