TIDBITS OF HANDKERCHIEFS

I was riding a natural Olympic high coming out the weekend, but that high has been detoxified thanks to real work, personal work, an underwhelming NHL trade deadline and reasonable yet still frustrating seasonal temperatures that continue to chill my fat-less body. Since I'm all about self improvement (and hot deals), I don't sit idle when faced with a wave self-doubt, so here's what I'm going to do to feel less like an old flag salesman and more like an NAACP Image Award winner.

1) Weave a God's Eye - Back when I was a pre-pubescent child, I was in Beavers, an organization geared at boys who wanted to play floor hockey outside of school hours while wearing funny hats. Anyway, before playing floor hockey (or maybe even bench soccer) we'd have to do a craft so our mothers wouldn't freak the fuck out. My most hated craft to do was weaving a God's Eye because I sucked so bad at it. I figure that if I try making one now and dominate the project thanks to my now manly hands and adult sized brain, I will get a great sense of accomplishment and also have a nice piece to give to someone stupid for their birthday.

We used Popsicle sticks

2) Pretend to be a documentary crew - Documentary crews can do anything they want because everyone wants to think they're doing something interesting and documentaries are all about interesting things. I was eating lunch at work in this atrium yesterday and these two girls sat near me and I tried to eavesdrop but I couldn't make out what they were saying. I thought that if I had a camera and went up to them saying I'm doing a documentary on "regular conversations" I could just sit there and listen to them and they'd go home and Twitter something like "Gonna b in a documentary hopefully^^^^!!!". In conclusion, eavesdropping allows you to hear about how other people are in a shitty mood to make yourself feel better.

3) Cook - Cooking can be many things -- artistic, tasty, sweaty, therapeutic, greasy, fun, anti-establishment, you name it. Nothing calms me down quite like making a batch of mom's famous ketchup turkey balls. Just combine your favourite ketchup with your favourite turkey, blend with milk or lemonade, depending on how tart you like your food, form into balls, coat with confectioner's sugar and bake in a clay pot for 6 days at 98 degrees.

When I started crafting this entry this morning I was in a worse mood than I am now. Remember the old days of this blog? It seems like eons ago, but trust me fans, I'm the same man, except I have a few different wardrobe pieces and I'm eating more than usual.