Because of the advent of the PVR, I'm probably worse than I ever was. I'm so accustomed to fast forwarding that when I watch regular TV, the commercials burn my balls way more than before and so my trigger finger itches like the ants in my pants digging into my burning balls. I'm not going to tone down my ways though. Did Mozart stop playing piano because his mom wanted him to be a mustard man? As far as I know, he didn't. Instead, I can only share some of my techniques so you can better understand where I'm coming from and maybe learn a thing or two about how the big boys do it.
Modern times
Here's my ideal live TV watching scenario:
First, I have to catch one of my favourites at the beginning of its episode. So let's say Real Housewives is on and I happen to catch it at the start, and I realize that's it's a Vicki-heavy joint with a dash of Slade and Gretchen. Ideal. As I'm watching this, I gotta find a backup to watch during the inevitable commercial breaks. The perfect backup is a movie that I've seen that I love. For example, last night I think I was watching Top Chef Masters or something, and Crocodile Dundee was on. I'd define Crocodile Dundee as the perfect backup -- I can tune in at any point in the film and still enjoy it, and I don't really have much of a problem leaving it to go back to my primary because I've seen it so many times. But if it's at that part where Linda Kozlowski reveals the most unreasonable outback attire of all time, I'm willing to stick around.
That's one of my dad's favourite scenes of all time. Anyway, there's still a chance that your backup will be on commercial so you need a second backup as well. My current second backup is that new channel AUX TV because their commercial breaks are short and usually they just play music videos, which are great because they're short and sweet so you don't get emotionally involved. Another good backup is just having a stew on the stove you can look after, but since this is about TV, I say poo to the stew.
If your second backup is on commercial as well, you're fucked. You're going to end up going all over the place, potentially forgetting the channel number of your primary, or just forgetting about it all together, which is the most frustrating thing in the world next to the variety store not having your favourite gummies. This is when I like to give up and take a shower. Remember that episode the Seinfeld when Kramer decides to live in the shower because, in his words "this is where I want to be"? I can relate to that. I look forward to showers like a girl looks forward to her first bra. It's affords one the same privacy as sitting on the toilet, but is more therapeutic and less gross.
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4 comments:
"Because of the advent of the PVR, I'm probably worse than I ever was."
Yeah because you're terrible at fast-forwarding commercials. You go over and have to rewind EVERY TIME.
Though I think everyone hates everyone else's watching style. Personally I'll take the commercial hit rather than miss some show (if it's a new/good episode).
I don't like Laura's style, she's spastic during commercials as well. She made us miss the final Office joke before the credits this week. She also doesn't seem to understand why I refuse to watch a new episode of a show if we've missed the first half/third. Gotta see the whole thing man.
Have you seen mom with commercials? She just mutes them and sits there, it's weird. Sorry mom, but it is.
umm i so don't agree about the showers. i hate showers and dread them. lucky for my friends i still shower daily but it's not because i want to.
re: housewives, you like the vicky-heavy episodes? i really like gretchen. she is SO hot. i actually do like vicky but one of those other nameless ones, the real estate brunette, is annoying.
Vicky's the best because she's so infuriating. Plus, I don't understand how you don't like showers. It's like a poor man's hot tub or a nice warm wet hug
I don't just mute, Scott, I mute and flip and it is so much more peaceful.
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