GUMBO DINGER AND HIS GATOR BAND

This is the best weekend to go to the Canadian National Exhibition because this weekend is the Canadian International Airshow.

A shark plane with a gun in its mouth -- ladies in gentlemen, I give you my favourite thing

Unfortunately for me, an avid fan of awesome things, I'll be out of town, but I still get to enjoy seeing the planes practice from my window at work, which overlooks the Island Airport. I've heard a few people on various social networking sites complain cynically about the noise of the jets flying around, to which I respond -- fuck you.

There's plenty of room for cynicism in this world. Oh shit, just as I wrote that I giant bomber just flew over my building. If you think that a bunch of gigantic steel birds and supersonic flying guns zipping around at mach speeds isn't the coolest, then I think you probably have trouble with cool things in general, because my friends, jets rule. And now a jet fighter is doing spins while flying straight up. And now there are four jets in perfect formation and one is totally upside down. Not cool? Go back to grandma's pantry and slow cook me some beans.

HEADLINE NEWS WITH JOKES

One man bit off part of another man's finger when a health care reform demonstration turned violent in Thousand Oaks, California.
When reached for comment, the victim was in a surprisingly good mood, stating, "I came here to give the current health care system the finger and that's exactly what I did."

The Lingerie Football League and the Chicago Bliss make their local debut at the Sears Centre in Hoffman Estates Friday, and an announcement regarding possible Mike Ditka ownership is planned for before the game.
The announcement is expected to be brief, as Ditka feels no obligation to justify buying a LINGERIE FOOTBALL team.

Michael Vick will be reinstated into the NFL in week 3, when his Eagles face the Kansas City Chiefs.
The decision was a deliberate one, as the NFL wanted to avoid having Vick play during the dog days of summer.

Barry Shell, who won $4.4 million dollars in a Lotto 6/49 game, was unable to reach a deal in court yesterday to resolve an outstanding theft charge.
The frustrated judge spent most of the proceedings attempting to explain what a bribe was without actually saying it.

A Florida man who cracked open an ice cold can of Pepsi "indeed" found dismembered remains of a frog, the US Food and Drug Administration said on Thursday.
Despite the strange taste and texture, the man finished the can because it reminded him of his other favourite drink, Mountain Dew.

Michael Jackson was unable to father children after a painful operation to improve his sperm count failed.
If his other surgeries are considered "successes" then this one must have been really bad.