September 18, 2009


While gazing at the Gardiner Expressway through my work desk window, I saw a truck with 2 portable toilets on it. A job's a job, but driving toilets around all day has got to be a real soul crusher.

The toilet makers are fine because a toilet doesn't really become gross until it's utilized -- up until then it's a well-designed piece of sanitary engineering, ergonomically tuned to provide you with an ideal public shit house. And I'll bet the guys who make them are the kind that have mansions and Ferraris and when you ask your friend, who lives in the the same neighbourhood, "what does that guy do?" they go "the guy makes plastic toilets" and you're like "someone's gotta do it". When I worked at a pool store there was a regular customer who looked like the dude at the end of this Suburban Commando trailer, who mutters the famous "This is the 90's I'm going to sue you" line:

He owned a brake repair company or something and had his own island.

I think that's my favourite -- when people don't look the way they're supposed to. Years back I saw that band The Wrens and I just assumed they'd be these young strappers, but they ended up being fat, old normals. That's what life is all about, brother.

I guess the only job worse than driving the toilets would be the guys who clean them, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it's all the same guy.

While we're on the topic of "sneaking suspicions", I have another: the photographer who took this photo:

Is the same who took this photo:

"Okay Gene, I want you to look like you're taking a dump."

Then years later:

"Okay Hulkster, trust me on this one, it worked in 1979 and it'll work today -- I want you to look like you're taking a dump."

The photographer told the other members of KISS to do the same thing but they declined and when it was all over Gene was like "that thing where the photographer wanted us to look like we were pooing was weird, huh?" and the other guys are like "you actually did that?".

We talked a lot about poo again today, but I couldn't help it, that truck was really a muse. Plus, we got to talk about Suburban Commando, which ranks number one in my top Hulk Hogan films of all time.

1. Suburban Commando
2. No Holds Barred
3. Mr. Nanny

I hope your weekends end up front page news!

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