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September 17, 2009

MORE PIZZA PARLORS SHOULD SERVE HOMEMADE LASAGNA. I'M SERIOUS HERE.

Yesterday I got the rare opportunity to work from home -- a clashing of two worlds -- comfort, responsibility, pajamas, emails, guitar, conference calls. It was a big chili filled with exotic flavours and delicious sides. Actually, the only side was my lunch break where I managed to ride my bike to Best Buy where I best bought NHL 10, which will no doubt occupy much of the fall season. During the bike trip I applied the business technique of "multitasking" and ordered some noodles from the downstairs restaurant, which were ready when I got back, rendering my day relatively wonderful and definitely complete.

I then tried to get free tickets the the Toronto Maple Leafs exhibition match at the ACC, but I was too late. The tailgate party was still happening when I got there and I got to witness a bunch of young women degrading themselves by dressing as Coke Zero "Puck Bunnies" -- a term meaning "loose woman who bangs hockey players, sometimes several at a time". They weren't wearing pants.

Coke Zero should change its motto to: "So it doesn't really taste like Coke, but you don't want to get fat, do you?" And what in the world happened Cherry Coke?! It's probably my all-time favourite drink along with milkshakes, Dr. Pepper, Orange Juice, Irn Bru, cream soda, root beer, chocolate milk and ice cold beer. That list came out of me like diarrhea through a poo champion! That tells you I'm passionate about liquids.

Right now, the biggest decision I face is what to eat next. Our fridge is as empty a threat from me, except for a bag of carrots, several sauces and some decent milk. Imagine how pissed some guy from a third world country would be if I told him that all I had was carrots and milk? Throw in some scavenged herbs, grab a dirty old pot and you've got a creamy carrot stew and orange yogurt for dessert. This reminds me of the reality show I thought of, where you bring someone from the jungles to the civilized world, show them the Internet and see how crazy they get. It'd be called "Fish Outta Water" and hopefully Patrick Duffy would host.

Hello North America! Welcome to Fish Outta Water. Today's star is from Zimbabwe. He only eats bugs and doesn't know what a car is. Jennifer has set up a lot of great surprises in the Internet room, including a web cam and a laser jet printer. Let's bring in the boy!

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

This is SO funny!! Keep it coming duke.

highwaisted said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA i would totes watch that!

are you gonna get the new marvel alliance?

Anonymous said...

Pat Duffy was always a horny whiner on Step by Step, I dont know what Sommers saw in that booger.
Come on over to our pad Glenn! We have fat guy syndrome and therefore our fridge is never empty.
Even when we say 'aww man we have like no food at home'
its a big lie.
Speirs

Duke of Spook said...

I like food AND Marvel alliance. NHL is going to take up much of my time though. And I downloaded Cool Boarders 2 for PS1 and I'm going to need to dominate that as I did in grade 10

Anonymous said...

were you testing the "working from home" system you told me about? it's legitimately necessary to test it from home?

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