I DON'T THINK PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HOW DUMB GOATS ARE ENOUGH

This past weekend was one of the first in a while where I didn't have any big time plans going into it, so I put up my sails and let the winds of destiny take me away. I love mystery and intrigue as much as the next man, but more the supernatural kind, so when I found myself wandering from activity to activity with no map, I felt strange. But like Chester Cheeto, I stayed cool and threw on some shades, and this is what happened:

My first order of business was to head to Mississauga to go for a late summer cruise in my parents' new car, a car whose top retracts leaving the passengers with wind in their hair and chicky pies in their laps. My brother and I cruised for burgers and ended up at Value Village where I bought something for a costume and a very sturdy shirt with the old NHL crest on it. I violated my own rule of not buying any more t-shirts, but whose going to punish me? Me?

When I was cashing out I saw a man of my demeanour wandering around with a nice stack of used DVDs, including Caddyshack. I was pretty jealous because normally the DVDs at Value Village only teach you how to do Pilates. It's always the worst when you see a rival in a thrift store because they're your direct competition, so you have to prioritize your sections. He managed to get the DVDs but I got the NHL shirt. Then again he didn't really look like the sporting type so maybe we weren't truly kindred spirits. Or maybe having diverse tastes is the ace up my strange smelling, ill-fitting thrift garment's sleeve.

At night time I went over to a friend's house where a raccoon kept wiggling in the trees that surrounded us kind of like the raptor pen in Jurassic Park where all you see is the trees, no raptors. The only cure for raccoons is dancing in a sweaty bar, so we went to Shake a Tail at Clinton's and did just that and no creatures interrupted us except run of the mill super apes (people).

Then of course on Sunday I saw a Wayne Gretzky documentary, which was really good, but I didn't learn anything new. I felt the way Socrates must have felt when any guy talked to him. Don't take that to mean that I think I'm the Socrates of hockey knowledge. It was an extreme example. I don't mind tooting my own pipes every so often but lets not get all goosey quite yet -- I haven't even lunch yet.

I did a lot more on the weekend but I don't want to hog too much of your day so we'll leave it there and talk more tomorrow. Invite everyone you can think of.