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September 25, 2009

I PREDICT THE DEATH OF THE CROISSANT BY 2012

Last night the girl in my house and I watched Bill Murray's underrated 1990 classic Quick Change. It's kind of like The Man Who Knew Too Little meets Ocean's 11 meets The Dark Knight meets Randy Quaid. Does that sound good to you? I sure as shit hope so.

According to my Palm Pilot, we're officially at the beginning of autumn, a hotly debated season. Its supporters enjoy the crisp, cool air, fresh root vegetables, the raking of leaves and the return of good sports. Its detractors scoff at the autumn theme of death, and get pissed at its dickhead cousin "Winter" who is in the bullpen heckling "Baby I haven't even gotten started yet!". Because I'm a positive man who believes in enjoying the Earth no matter what, even if you are in a volcano or a snake filled pond, I've thought up some autumn tips to get you through "The Brown Season".

Tip 1 - Jumping in Leaves

Apparently my friend Jon once jumped into a pile of leaves that was covering up a big pile of dog shit, so upon breaching the pile, he himself got covered in dog shit. Don't let this story stop you from getting a pile together for a few leaps though. Besides using a mattress as a trampoline, a leaf pile is the number one piece of homemade childhood acrobatic equipment. I guess it's not as fun for adults. Never mind if you're an adult. It's probably not that fun at all because you have to do the raking and kids do nothing but ruin your pile.

Tip 2 - Apple Cider

Tip 3 - Fall Fashion



According to culture, the fall is a time for new looks . Put away your culottes and pick up some corduroy and a knit sweater with a picture of something. I used to have one with a ball player. That's the second time I've posted that video on this blog, and I think I should probably post it more often.

Tip 4 is to watch European Vacation more. I just found out that Blake Lively is Rusty Griswold's real life half sister. Which one would you rather be locked in a sex closet with?

7 comments:

highwaisted said...

i love the fall the most out of any other season ever. i also love corduroy and im so stoked you mentioned it cause i forgot about until now. im going to buy some today just beacause of this post.

Duke of Spook said...

I need some new ones. My old browns are on their last legs

Anonymous said...

I dont understand why in the European Vacation clip, the youngest son keeps trying on dresses.

speirs

Chris Locke said...

Yeah, but doesn't Randy Quaid's incessant whining ruin Quick Change for you?

Duke of Spook said...

I was more mad that Murray's name is Grimm and Quaid's is Loomis. They sound like characters from an Animal Crackers comic strip

Chris Locke said...

Ha. That's true. I stand by The Man Who Knew Too Little more than Quick Change.

Duke of Spook said...

hahahaha yeah that movie is just perfect

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