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September 24, 2009

THE ANNUAL FOOD ISSUE

I'm scared that everyone out there hates Dan Brown and now no one likes me because I defended him so much yesterday. Don't worry, I still like most of your favourite things and I'll continue to support you even if you steal things.

Yesterday I bought:

Mayonnaise
Alfredo Sauce
Crumpets
Cheese
Bananas
Pickles

Three whites, an orange, a yellow and a green. I don't really understand why crumpets aren't more popular. They're like an English muffin, a piece of toast and a sponge in one "crumpcious" package. The crumpet is the Rolex of bread and butter snacks because they soak up as much melted spread as you can throw at them. So next time your at your local grocer's, stop by the crumpet case and pick up a few for a toasted treat that might be beat...... probably by Pop Tarts.

Back in my university days I ate Chunky Soup, meat sauce, cola, chicken fingers, fries, burgers, tuna melts (baked tunes) and eggs. I think that diet led me to the butt trouble I have today. I don't want to talk about that right now.

Today's Wednesday Silly:
INTERVIEW WITH A BEAN MAN

(not Bean man)

Why choose beans?
Every man has a path brother.

But what is it about beans that made you want to grow them your whole life?
I don't grow beans.

I thought you were a bean man.
Yeah man, I just study the little guys. What do I know about growing them?

If you study them, shouldn't that mean you know a thing or two about growing them?
"A thing or two"? Who are you, Elliot Gould?

Why don't you just tell us something about beans.
Did you know there's a type of bean called the 'Volcano Bean'?

Now we're getting somewhere! Tell me about 'Volcano Beans'.
No, no wait, that doesn't work. Hold on...

Huh?
Okay, okay, ask me what a 'Haz Bean' is.

...What's a 'Haz Bean'?
David Charvet. HAHAHAHAHA.

So is there such thing as a 'Volcano Bean'?
Is there any way we can have a conversation about Volcano Beans that will lead to a joke about David Charvet?

I doubt it.

That could be his new nickname! Oh man!

Bean man picks up his cell phone and dials a number.

Nick? Yeah it's me. How about "Volcano Bean" for the nickname? Not for my daughter, for Charvet! I know, right! Okay, I'll print the hats.

Hangs up phone

Sorry Tiger I gotta jet, destiny awaits. Eat beans.

5 comments:

scott said...

I don't hate you because of Dan Brown. I hate you because I'm pretty sure whenever I see a nice butt from now on, it will be referred to as a 'nice sandwich' in my head.

Duke of Spook said...

hahahahahaaha, that may be bad for you, but it's good for me

highwaisted said...

chunky soup is awesome.

Duke of Spook said...

remember the kind with mini burgers in it?

cara said...

oh man, i LOVE crumpets so much! totally underrated.

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