DON'T WORRY ABOUT DOUG, HE EATS BOOKS ALL THE TIME

I found this package of chopsticks in a drawer at work and thought "that's the kind of thing that people put on the Internet" so I put it on the Internet. My favourite parts are "(Japanese means Thank You)" and Step 2 - "The other stick is held by the tips of the thumb and first finger and is movablr after a little practice you". I wish everything was written by kids or affordable Japanese translators because laughing is the gravy of any man's afternoon.

Similarly, I was looking through this advertising folder thing yesterday and it had a bunch of old billboards in it and I bugged out when I saw an ad for this product:

No advertising in the world could sell this product anywhere but its home in Great Britain. I don't understand how I've gone through life not knowing this existed. There are so many things wrong with this product, I can't even believe I'm looking at a real picture. Cultural differences are cheap laughs and all, but I don't know, this one just really blew my beef. Forget for a second that a "faggot" is a traditional British meatball and instead picture this product getting made in modern North America with this guy running the company:
Now allow me to whisk you away to an early meeting:

Boss - Okay gang, as you know we're here to do one thing and one thing only, and that's make meatballs. Any questions?
Employee - What are our meatballs made of?
Boss - Mine are made from liver and onions and smothered in a rich west country sauce. Next question.
Employee - Uh.... okay, what about the name of the product? We can't just call them "meatballs" and I don't even think we should advertise them as being made of liver and onions.
Boss - Hmmm, well I disagree about the liver and onions part, but I understand we need a strong name, something cute and something unique.
Employee - How about.... "Meat Planets"?
Boss - Where'd you graduate from idiot, Ding Bat University? Their academics are terrible and their football team, "The Snots" are a bunch of moo moos, especially that quarterback Noonan Font. I know, we'll call them "faggots". Decision made.
Employee - I strongly disagree.
Boss - Who wears the trousers around here? We all do, but mine are made of the silk of the the Spider King. We went on a quest last year and he helped me find enough jewels to start this company. By the way, what do you think we should call our little operation?
Employee - How about something like "Country Fresh"?
Boss - Terrible. I could shit a better name.
{writes something down on a piece of paper then eats it}

6 hours later

Boss - Okay, here is the name I wrote down earlier which I just shit out. The company is called "Mr. Brain's" because I'm the smartest man on Tatooine, and you can take that to the bank granny.
Employee - So our product is made of ingredients that no one likes, we're calling them a taboo slang term and now you want to call the company "Mr. Brain's"? I'm going back to Pillsbury.
Boss - The hell you're not.
{takes out a laser pointer and points it at guy}
Boss - You're going to sit down, tell me a story and then you're going to lick my mouth. Or else.

Two Months later: