WHEN WILL THE WORLD TURN ITS BACK ON MUFFINS?

That new Clint Eastwood movie about rugby with Matt "The Stat" Damon and Morgan Freeman sounded pretty cool and all, but yesterday I saw the preview where Freeman talks and I can't help but fart on it.



The role of Nelson Mandela is fine-tuned for winning acting awards because it's Morgan Freeman as Nelson Mandela, and the Academy loves it when men play real men even though it's way easier because it's just a game of high stakes copy cat. The reason I think this case is particularly silly is because Freeman has taken over from James Earl Jones as the voice of everything, so we hear him flapping gums all the damn time, right? His voice is so familiar that when we hear him with a fake accent we know right away that it's not real. It's like if your dad all of a sudden started talking with an accent as part of his mid-life crisis and you're like "geez dad, I don't know what you read in GQ but accents aren't cool. Snowboards and texting are what I'd suggest".

"Can I put my hands on you balloons for this picture? No? That's alright, shoulders are the breast's firm cousin. Okay, smile and say San Francisco"

I can only think of one movie where James Earl Jones talked with an accent and that was in "Coming to America", which doesn't count because you were supposed be like "hahahaha Darth Vader is Eddie Murphy's dad wearing a lion for clothes, and he talks like foreign man. BBBBBBBAAA!!"

So unless this new movie is a comedy, and I don't think it is because South Africa is no laughing matter, I think it will stink sacks.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to take a shit on Costco, who denied my brother and I purchase of toilet paper, granola bars, kitty litter, Coke and a big fuckin' thing of Mini-Wheats because my dad wasn't with us and we were using his card. We picked the cashier we thought would care the least, but it turns out you can't judge a Costco employee by its gender or facial hair because "Brian", a goateed male, would not let us through. I fully understand store policy, but there was no way this guy was going to get in any trouble, so he should've just been a cool dude and let things slide. Be excellent to each other.