DID PEOPLE USED TO WIPE WITH HANKERCHIEFS? OR DID THEY USE PAPYRUS?

Last night we were watching "Kate: Her Story", an interview attempting to paint Kate Gosselin as America's foremost single mom of eight -- a tough sell considering she's also America's foremost famous hag. The interview was terrible, with Kate dodging question after question while trying to convince us that she has no choice but to stay on TV because she can't make money any other way, even though she's a trained nurse and has made millions of dollars over the last five years.

Check out 3:24 of this clip, when Kate dodges a question using gibberish:



I haven't "hnumnuh'd" someone since high school but I did "uhmhh" a guy at Tim Hortons last month.

Now check out 2:50 of this clip where Kate appears to greet an elderly fan as "grandma". It's kind of tough to hear:


"Next! Hurry it up Four Eyes. What are you looking at zit mouth? Someone get me some water - you! Skeletor! Get me a Kashi bar and 24 Starburst, all light blue flavour."

I got sick of looking at the Katester with her Cruella DeVille makeup and "whack" hairdo, so my mind started to wander, and when a man's mind starts to wander it usually ends up somewhere where babes are.

I got thinking about how unfair it is that attractive people basically get treated better by everyone else, but we can't do anything about it. Then it occurred to me that maybe one day we will. Back in ancient times, things like rape, racism, sexism, murder and shitting anywhere were generally frowned upon but were not nearly as taboo/illegal as they are today. Over time people smartened up because we evolve, get smarter and invent things like the Swiffer and Swiffer Wet Jet. SOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo it's my prediction that in the future someone is going to get really pissed that an unqualified balloon chested round rear gets the job instead of them and a revolution will start where it'll become a crime to let hunks/yum yums get away with stuff.

This weekend I have the place to myself, so if any dudes want to come by for sports, cigars and Kathy Ireland tapes, come on by. You bring the meatballs, I'll provide the free weights and we'll talk about panties until night falls when we'll take the party to the local bar for bumper pool and Bob Seger on the Wurlitzer.