UNLESS I HEAR OTHERWISE, OUR RED LOBSTER IS SCHDULED TO OPEN TODAY

COOL OF THE PAST

Around my 16th year my friend Dave and I bought a 50cc Honda mini bike. Besides big boobs to handle, a little dirt bike is what teen boys want most.

It pretty much looked like this, but had more silly accessories like a taped-on flashlight acting as a headlight and stickers about yuppies dying.

The main summer we had it, my street was experiencing a major makeover, so there was basically a dirt bike track right outside my house, making the mini bike the perfect accessory.

Unfortunately, the road work was eventually completed, so we had to find other places to ride, which was tough beef because riding it was loud, illegal and silly. If we rode in the hydro lines a lady would yell at us, if we rode on the street my dad would yell at us and if we rode in my backyard my dad would yell at us.

Things went really downhill when I was giving my friend a ride home and I got stopped by a member of a local police squadron. He lambasted me for my lack of helmet and licence and wasn't very impressed by our homemade headlight. He asked me if the mini bike would leak gas if he put it in his trunk, and I said "no sir" but when he put it in it started to leak gas so he got really loopy and decided to embarrass me big time. He made me walk it down the sidewalk of a busy street while he drove slowly alongside me with his flashing lights on. We got to a plaza where I had to call my dad, who brought out the "I told you so's" and pretty much made the decision that we were to sell the mini bike.

It sucks that digital cameras cost a million dollars back in 1998, or else I'd have galleries of pictures of the old girl. I had a dream last night that I was riding it again in a cool race that went through a forest. I got stuck in the mud but found a lady's watch so I wasn't that pissed.

COOL OF THE PRESENT

My friend JJ McCurls bought this Return of the Jedi wallpaper from this guy we went to high school with and when his dad moved or something I took it as my own.

Attention future wives - my kid's room is going to be plastered with this stuff whether you like it or not. You can choose everything else, the bed, the diaper pot, the juice trough, and even the soother chest, but the wall is mine. I'm also putting up a dart board for me and the fellas.

Okay dunes, time for bed and maybe snacks, who knows? I don't how your schedule works or which hour of the day you allot to "hangin' free". That'd be a trick question for me because I do it 24 - 7 - 359.