HAPPY HALLOWEES

Halloween is tomorrow, and if you don't have a costume by now you're probably not going to think of anything good, so go get your best shirt and tie, you're going as teacher.

Adult Halloween is a totally different experience than childhood Halloween. While childhood Halloween is a great excuse to get free candy and pretend to be something neat, adult Halloween is different things to different people.

Club Goers

Halloween is an excuse for club going horn dogs and sex objects to party the way they wish they could all the time. If party girls could party nude, they totally would, but thanks to the law, common sense, and ugly people their rears and ta-tas must be covered at all times. They also have to deal with the fact that underpants aren't yet acceptable as outerwear, although we're gettin' there. Anyway, since the rules of Halloween stipulate you can be whatever you want, they're able to get around taboos and laws, thus fulfilling their ultimate party fantasy short of maybe a softcore swingers jam.

The men of club land also dress to attract as much attention as possible via Halloween costume, while also living out personal fantasies of being cowboys, football players and other "cool men". The girls will approach saying "I love your costume", which roughly translates to "I love what you are tonight" -- just the kind of attention they desire.

Sillies

Sillies aren't that different from club goers, in that Halloween is also a chance to party the way they wish they could all the time. The only difference is that while those guys do it to feel good about themselves and show off as much lump as possible, silly people just wish it was regular to go around dressed like Han Solo or Louis Tully all the time. It boils down to the fact that wigs are funny and if the world wore more wigs, it'd be weird probably.

Old Adults

Old adults might not like Halloween as much because they have to buy candy, carve a pumpkin and possibly get dressed up silly while the threat of eggings, poo baggings, and Noma Moon Ray kickings reaches its yearly height.

That didn't turn out as good as I wanted. That part about club goers makes me sound like a urban psychologist, while I was really just trying to "muck it up" with them .

NEW LINKS ADDED

Next time you're on the Internet swing by Graham Wagner's, David Dineen-Porter's or Aaron Eves' very own web space. In real life these guys are laugh lions, and since real life is just the Internet but worse, you're bound to have fun.