THIS IS FOR YOUR DAY AT THE OFFICE OR YOUR NIGHT AT THE KEG

WORKPLACE HUMOUR FOR MODERN PROFESSIONALS

Signs you're not getting that big raise this year

Every co-worker has a Ferrari and you still don't even have shoes. When you ask them what the deal is they all respond "don't worry man, in Italy these things cost as much as pickles."

Instead of getting in trouble when you're caught stealing a pen, the office manager encourages you to take home a chair and a printer too.

Instead of a cake on your birthday, your fellow employees chip in and get you bread, rice, shoes and a Bible.

When you ask your boss about the whole thing, he changes the subject, saying, "that thing you do with Silly Putty where you put it on a newspaper and it copies the newspaper is so underrated" and then pretends there's a bee on his tie and runs away laughing.

BUSINESS POWER TIPS WITH AN EXPERT

"Hi, I'm Crap Crowley, Georgia Businessman of the Year, 1989 and owner of CROWLEY FOUNTAINS in Savannah. Whether you're selling fountains, cars, tennis equipment, spoons, or golf equipment, just remember - fountains sell themselves. Just plug 'em in and let 'em do what they do best. The secret to my success is selling magic. People don't know how fountains work, so I lead them to believe that God has something to do with it. Little do they know that the "water pump" is the only divine presence involved! Pumps put my kids through college and my wife through 34 plastic surgeries, including a leg sharpening and an ear softening. Do you have dreams? Stop what you're doing and buy a fountain from me and all your dreams will come true, especially the ones about floppy boobs. Water is the life blood of nature and fountains are the the lifeblood of water, so you need a fountain to live. Also, get on the Internet already!"

Smart Fashion Tips for the Modern Employee

Meet Diego, Senior Mainframe Analyst at the Seagram Company, who shows off his design skills AND company price with this beautiful "Modern Rag" style jacket emblazoned with the logo of his favourite home team brand. "I fix the computers that fill the
bottles and stitch the velet bags they come in, so hell ya I represent the Royalty. "


Duncan's outfit shocked his co-workers at Carl Goo's Crêperie in Halifax when they first saw it. But once he turned around, the positive vibe from the confident message spread like wildfire and the store sold more crêpes than ever before.

Moondy gives us the latest from Flute Newton Fall Collection. It's a removable a-line skirt revealing a high cut denim panty. Each layer provides a different professional, sexy fresh look for the office and conversion is as simple as taking off a skirt. Find the "Mrs. President" at any flea market or UFTC approved travelling expo.