UNFORTUNATELY, I'VE LOST MY SENSE OF FART

This morning Liv informed me that she didn't "get" my Life of a Mohawk cartoon. Despite being a self-proclaimed "Master of Film", she didn't understand the Travis Bickle reference, or the fact that the main character is a mohawk hairdo. Now I leave it up to you, fans of the Internet, to either make me look stupid and tell me you didn't get it either, or make her look stupid by saying it was as easy to understand as the cooking instructions to these delicious, instant hot dogs I once enjoyed in Florida:
Or you can stay neutral and enjoy this simple, easy to understand classic from the archives:


I've been thinking a lot of Egypt lately because the AGO is about to unleash a King Tut exhibit and it's up the street from my house. This guy is standing out front to promote it:

How is a boy supposed to walk by that every day and not get hot for Egypt? Anyway, this morning I was shaving my beard fur, and I got thinking about haircuts in Ancient Egypt. Whenever you see pictures of what people believe Cleopatra and that young strapper, King Tut looked like, they appear beautiful and well kept, right? But were there hair dressers around back then? Did people even give a care? When did barbers come around? I like to think that they all cut their own hair, so if you went back in time you'd see a bunch of people who just figured out they could have a short style, but all they had to cut the hair was clay knives and cat's teeth so they all looked terrible. That's my kind of history.

Now lets say there were such a thing as professional hair stylists back then. If that's the case then they must have styled the weirdest 'dos, because of the tools available and because they're just totally crazy compared to us. Like, we can't even comprehend the crazy styles because it was all so long ago and the most futuristic thing they had around was beads. Either that or they all just looked like us, I don't really know.

In conclusion, I really want to go to Egypt and I'd love to learn more about the history of haircuts. I also solved the problem of having too much jam by getting into "Cheesecake Bagels" or "Bleeding Albinos" where you toast a bagel and smother it in cream cheese and jam. Feed it to your kids next time you're at the in-laws' or at the camper with Uncle Robes.