June 28, 2010


Get a roof!

If last weekend in Toronto was a second rate AC/DC song, it'd be "All Screwed Up":

Take you out to kick some butt
Work you over screw you nuts

And when you can't take no more
Then she push you out that door
And things go hard
Like a dog gone mad
She can pack some punch

Then you're out to
lunch, back at one

It's all screwed up
All screwed up

It's all screwed up

All screwed up

I think that pretty much says it all.

I make my home at Queen and McCaul, so a lot of the action that happened when "the yogurt went sour" was right in front of my very windows. Incredibly, I managed to be absent for most of the heavy duty rock n roll because I can't sit still. Here's my time line:

Saturday - I was at home when the peaceful protest made its way across Queen St. I made a few Twitter jokes and then got bored because it was like watching the Pride Parade without topless lesbians. I then decided to go to a friend's house and eat popsicles while the USA Yankee Steaks played the Ghana Talking Parrots in soccer. Here's a good joke based on the famous "ketchup and liquor" joke of schoolyard lore:

Answer every question with "soccer"

What's your favourite sport? Soccer
What's your favourite ball? Soccer
Which celebrity is your favourite? Soccer
What do you do to your baby girl when her feet be cold? Soccer, but like "Sock Her", you know?

These two spray painted "Fuck Lunch" on a Harvey's

Anyway, as soon as I arrived at friend's house a mere 20 minutes later, we turned on the news and saw that major businesses in my area were being disrespected by a group called "The Black Diamonds", whose eXistenZ is based on a very good KISS song:

Darkness will fall on the city
It seems to follow you too
And though you don't ask for pity
There's nothin' that you can do, no, no

Whoo, black diamond
Whoo, black diamond

I eventually decided to ride my bike into the beehive, but I didn't see anything that would be described as "worth describing", so I went home, picked up some extra socks and went to my softball game where a dog got on the field!

By the time I got to the bar for post game beers and analysis where we talk about how bullshit the other team was, I found out from Liv back at home base that there was a kop kar on fire down the street from us. Another near miss.

On Sunday all was quiet during the day when we cleaned our whole house, even the toilet. At around 5:20pm I walked over to my siblings' house, passing by Queen & Spadina, which, minutes after my passing, apparently turned into a historical event where passerbys were wrangled like grade nines in the hydro fields on the first day of school. Instead of getting egged and paddled they got wet and upset.

When I came back home around 8:30pm I couldn't get through the intersection, but had no problem going across Adelaide where I passed by hundreds of police who apparently didn't find my baby blue shirt, bird legs and jungle umbrella very threatening.

I can't wait for Christmas this year!


Anonymous said...

hahaha, great weekend re-cap.

Duke of Spook said...

one for the books, that's for sure

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