HEY HUMAN WE'RE ALL CELEBRATING

Today is Christmas Day and I'm at home typing and laughing and hugging and talking!

This year I asked for practical things like tools and blenders instead of toys, stereos and computer robot lcd plasmas because I like making blended soups and I like pretending to work on my bike with tools. I figured I'd get these things no problem because they're easy buys, but alas I got a Yoda cork board tapestry, some Empire Strikes Back juice glasses and a Finland hockey sweater.

I'm very happy with these things, which brings me to holiday lesson number one: Aim low and receive high. Now I can just go buy a blender idiots! I think it's good to get stuff you wouldn't otherwise buy for yourself. I probably wouldn't buy a framed Gordie Howe portrait for myself but mommy came through and now I'm the King Tut of stuff that dudes like when they come over.

My girlfriend got me some Iron Maiden shoes. Imagine I got into a fight with a guy who likes bad music and I throw him to the ground and kick him with Iron Maiden shoes? That'd be like Winston Churchill kicking Hitler with Union Jack booties. So don't fight me if you like stupid things because I'll kick you in the name of epic, history-rich, demon-infused heavy metal. But I don't get into fights because I have Christmas spirit all year 'round guys! I'm like those dumb stores that sell cinnamon candles, pine branches and nouveau Santas. The kind your mom wants to go to and you go in only because you think there might be some old fashioned candy sticks or homemade root beers but it turns out to be a Christmas-all-the-time store and you wonder why it's open in July. Then you complain to your mom and she feels bad so she buys you fries and she admits that it's a stupid store but wanted to look for a present for her teacher friend and that dinner will be ready at 5:30.

The only bad thing about today is that I'm feeling a bit under the weather. I thought I was going to barf around 11:00 am but I didn't. So I took it easy and played a cool game called "Reindeer Dandies" where you draw a reindeer and pass the picture around and everyone adds an accessory. Ours had two hats!

For a richer gravy, add a generous amount of Lea and Perrins and don't forget the pepper. New Years is around the corner, lets meet around 10.