I POOED

The other day Problem Child 2 was on TV. When I was a little boy, I found this movie to be pretty funny. Let me tell you something - IT STILL IS.

- It's one of those movies that probably shouldn't have been for kids.
- There's this one scene with these two vets and it's soooooo weird.
- There's all sorts of hidden sexual jokes and loads of poo jokes.
- Lorraine Newman plays the villainess, "LaWanda DuMore" and she's really funny.

So next time you're at the local video store, put down that copy of 'Steel Magnolias' or 'Big' and pick up Problem Child 2 or I'll come over to your house, take your garbage, make you eat garbage and eat your good stuff like ham and cereal. Now here's a funny scene involving pee pee and those twins who were in everything in 1993:





Now for your enjoyment, I present to you a fake parent-teacher interview I once performed:

I’m your kid’s sixth grade teach Mr. Barn. And no, I’m not here because of honour rolls or science fair ribbons. I’m not here to talk about spelling bees and A Plus book reports. I’m here because I got a laundry list of complaints not only from myself, but from my fellow teachers here at John Farb Memorial School. I’m not going to censor it so hold onto your damn asses.


September 25th - He beat up a fat kid, called him Hambone and stole 20 bucks from him. Then using the money he bought chocolate milks for all the class babes and rumour has it taught them how to touch his weiner. Have you seen teenage girls these days? I couldn’t tell the difference between one of them and damn Cate Blanchette!

Oh you’re laughing? You think this is funny? Do you laugh when that little prick no doubt… sticks your cat in the toaster… or takes a rake to your new carpets? Come on seriously

November 4th – As a treat I let the class watch a dvd on Leopards for our Africa Unit, and I had to leave the class for an hour because we had a meeting and while I’m gone that son of yours puts in a copy of Meatballs. I get back and ask everyone what they thought of leopards and they started chanting "It Just doesn’t matter" and I can’t get the little bastards to stop for a half hour. Have you seen Meatballs?! It's rude. It's a rude rude movie.

Oh yeah, by the way, do you dress your child? He wears that damned dirty old GWAR t-shirt at least 3 times a week, you know, the one with the picture of the demon with the spiny cock? Yeah, real good image he’s portraying.

April 15th – Oh yeah, so you know the variety store around the corner? Well we don’t let our kids go there on lunch hour because they buy chips for lunch and they loiter and the owner hates it. Anyway, your son regularly collects money from students, sneaks away and buys MARS Bars and Dr. Peppers for everyone, so when lunch is over I got a couple dozen hyenas hopped up on sugar for 3 hours while I try my damndest to teach them times tables. Speaking of which, I ask that kid of yours what 12 x 12 was and he said "The square root of a blue jay's butt".

But we can’t suspend your boy because he’s our star quarterback. Heck of a football player.

I hope you enjoyed that. If you didn't I'd recommend you wipe that barf off your stupid lips, put down that bucket of corn you're eating, turn around, leave your house (a tree house because you're dumb) put on your rollerblades, go to the store, get me some chips, bring me some chips, give me some money and the chips, turn around, rollerblade to the river, jump in, get out and if it's chilly outside you'll get a cold, ahahahahahahahahah!!!!!