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December 22, 2010

JEEP JEEPS

Year in Review - The Year 2010
Technology

"Wassup girl? Just shootin' a vid. My man covered himself in dead mice and my snake is chasin' him around LOL. Pizza later sounds good."

How can you begin an article on this year's technology without mentioning the iPad?

There, now, I still have a 30GB video iPod that Liv gave me after she won an 80GB video iPod from an office Christmas party three years ago. I've finally got around to putting podcasts on it which I listen to on my way to work and when I'm doing aerobics. I don't have one of those armband things so I just stick it in my tights where my penis usually goes, then I wrap my my penis around my leg. Maybe in 2011 technology will come up with a better solution, like maybe something that turns your balls into speakers.

The headphones I use are falling apart, and most days I end up with little pieces of rubber in my ear. I put all the little pieces together in a mug, and on New Ear's day I'll brew up some rubber tea with mint that, if all goes to plan, with also have a nice, earwax essence, a perfect start to the y'Ear.

Email

The best email I got this year was actually an embedded video forward. The last thing I "embedded" was a drunk girl who only agreed to embed because I lied and told her I was a set decorator on Avatar. She wanted to know what James Cameron's phone number was and I said "Uh, we all call him Jimmy" and it was on.

Anyway, I can't find the video, but it was shot in some hick's living room. The floor was covered in cheesies and this guy comes in wheelbarrowing his dog and the dog eats all the cheesies and it's all set to the SCTV theme song. Unfortunately, the video was lost in the fire, so using technology I'll attempt to recreate it:


video

The Rogers Centre roof is still workin', cars still have radios and zippers haven't changed a bit. All in all, 2010 was a great year for technology. Next year you can expect to see:

Instead of fridges that have doors, expect Fridgidaire launch a line of doors that have fridges in them.

Scientists in Australia are close to revealing "Dry Water". It's basically sand with a bit of soap mixed in, but they can't seem to get the smell right.

In the 2nd quarter, Richard Branson is expected to reveal A trampoline that will take children to space. The latest prototype improved greatly with only 6 splats out of 50 launches. It's powered by rock n roll!

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