LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY PANTS

I don't know what's up in your corner of the crust, but around here in Toronto it's been raining cats and dogs and water for a week straight. Even though most us of spend 98% of the day in a dry room filled with screens, our ancestors have passed onto us a feeling of gloom whenever the weather starts acting like I banged its wife. No, wait, that doesn't make sense -- our ancestors loved rain because it fed their crops, their babies and their belief that God can piss/cry. Maybe we can all just blame it on whoever wrote that song "Sunny Days". Was it Lighthouse? Blame it on Lighthouse.

I could've spent this last rainy week on a couch wrapped in blankets and freshly washed Nautica brand sleepwear (I did). But instead I was working alongside the talented team at Marf Interactive on my new iPhone app (I didn't). The new app features beautiful graphics, a user-friendly interface and first and foremost -- a whole lotta fun. It costs $29.99. Here's some of the outrageous features we developed:

The 6th edition of the Trivial Pursuit: Glenn that includes some brand new 2010 questions. As loyal readers of this blog, here is a bonus answer to probably the hardest question in the game:

Q: What's Glenn's password for everything?
A: JRRTOLKIEN

There's also a fun photo game called "Pickle Man" where you match a picture of my face with the pickle of your choosing giving me a pickle mustache, just like in the movies. This guy sorta looks like me so it will give you a good idea of what the app can do. The only difference is that the picture below features a pickle spear, while my app, at $29.99, will offer no less than full pickles.


Speaking of sorta looking like me, the app has a fun "Celebrity Chemistry" game, where you can upload a picture of your face and it'll tell you the precise mixture of celebrities you look like. You have to pay extra to use your own picture. Since mine is included in the price of the app and because I love everyone in this world more than the world loves everyone, here is my celebrity chemistry:





You'll also have access to my full stats:

Most frequented bathroom in the world? Parent's house, upstairs
Number of times eaten at Arby's? 3

Since the above are fairly well known stats they won't be included in the actual app. When you purchase the full version you'll have access to "Number of Dreams about New Shoes" and "Thoughts about aliens per hour".

In conclusion, I dare you to ask for a birthday cake for Christmas.

MACARONI AND CAT

The world is changing so fast! Politics, murders, menu at the local Harvey's and just last night I went to bed a man and woke up a full fledged dude.

The last time we spoke, Osama bin Laden was like a unicorn -- no one knew where he was and America wanted to kill him. Meanwhile, Barack Obama had gone from being "The Prince of Tides", to the "Queen of the Desert" because he lacks the ability to make Americans happy every day of their lives. Only clowns and and bald cats know how to do that. Anyway, that all changed on May 1st when Obama killed Osama using a team of commandos led by a guy named Admiral McRaven. Now Obama is "The King Of Queens" while bin Laden's death becomes the most celebrated since the demise of Orbitz alternative beverage at the hands of reasonable humans everywhere.

Looking at the numbers, it took America 10 years, billions of dollars and a whole bunch of brave boys and goys to catch the man Time Magazine called a "Shithead mondo supreme". This makes me worried that if a super villain ever showed up, the world would have to spend AT LEAST that much stuff to get him or her. ORRRRR maybe bin Laden did have superpowers but it didn't get out because one of his superpowers is convincing people he doesn't have superpowers. That would be shitty for him because of all the things he would want to convince people of, not having superpowers wouldn't be very high on the list. I think I'd want one of those powers where you can throw up money.

As if that news wasn't enough to get your hair crispy, Canada had an election last night and Stephen Harper won the majority.

PROS

We won't need to update Canada's Wikipedia page
At the annual U.N. awards gala we'll win the staring contest and baby frightening no problem
Possibly better corn?
Good to see vampires represented at the Federal level

CONS.
(hahaha?)

Would you rather shoot a puppy or french kiss your own baby?

If you answer the former you're a serial killer and if you answer the latter you're probably a heck of an angler!