I'M STUNNED BY HOW MANY WARTS SHE HAS -- THAT MEANS SHE'S STUNNING

Unless you've been living inside of a dog for the last 13 cycles, you'll know that I've been working in an office for as long as this blog has existed. Like everything in life expect for water parks, working in such an environment has its positives and its negatives. On the positive you get air conditioning and a computer. On the negative you have to dress like a golfer and you look forward to going to the bathroom, a tendency normally reserved for constipates and poo champions. The number one best part? You get your very own email signature, which for all you miners out there is like a regular signature but with more raw data. Here's a simple example:

Horton Donkey
Junior Picker
The Pelt People
T: 345-345-NNNN
E: H_Donkey@email.hotmail

Since email is an office's number one form of communication, I see about six million email signatures a day from all over the world. Facts -- It's standard for Polish people to include their last dead relative's nickname on line 4, while over in China, every signature is annotated with what each word is supposed to smell like. We don't have them here, but over there desks contain tiny compartments full of smells and combinations of smells so that each signature can be read properly. That's why you'll see North American businessmen bring local soups and perfume samples when traveling to the far east for meetings. (This paragraph smells like pesto)

I thought this would be an opportune time to post some of the WaCKiEst email signatures I've ever come across, since 79% of this summer's blockbuster films were about email.

MR. JOHN McTHICK
CEO
Great Muscles Entertainment
000-346-43454
CEO@GME.ca
"Im being held captive this is the only way i can communcicate send helpp or call my kids pleas';43'"
GREAT MUSCLES named one of the 50 best employers in the North by WORKIN' Magazine

Ben Puffy
Attorney at Law
(I also play pool)
784-395-3232
(That's the pool hall's number)
8ball@snookerworld.co.uk
"Lawsuits, Corner Pocket" - The Hustler

Cyril Smench
Vice Guru of Curiosity
The WHAT IF company
Numbys - 416-000-0007
EEm - the_duke@???.!!!
We Don't Do Anything

Sarah Longshits
Model
Top Notch Bodies Inc.
I have to see you before I talk to you
Same with email
Fax - 679-888-4928
Measurements 32-25-9 Beat That