November 14, 2012


If we were to take the world's money and re-distribute it, would we all make a decent wage? Imagine we hit the reset button and it turned out everyone ends up making like six figures a year and Bobby McFerrin becomes the new Haile Selassie? I bet someone knows the exact math and how well it would work out but they're too scared to reveal it. That's a good movie idea. Guy figures this out but a coalition of millionaires chase him across the world and try to kill him before he posts it on the Internet. Every time he stops at an Internet cafe to update his popular blog it mysteriously doesn't work then he looks out the window where there's an elite team wearing black gear and sunglasses moving to take him down. He then has to run through the back of the store which is always where an Asian family is having a quiet lunch. That's the movie!
Believe it or not, that's the easy step. The hard part is going to be deciding what everyone is going to do for work afterward. I think we need to simplify. An interview will determine whether or not you'll be a(n):

- Interviewer
- Farmer
- Chef
- Store Person
- Builder
- Entertainer
- Water Expert (fishing, pleasure cruise, transport)
- Air Expert (pilot, bird man, air defence, space guard)
- Accountant
- Teacher
- Police
- Scientist

Hey that wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Everyone will get paid the same amount of money, which is the devil's nephew (socialism) but we've tried all this other stuff and too many people live amongst garbage. Some people still think you get AIDS from being gay while others look AIDS in the face every day. That couplet will be in the first verse of our new worldwide anthem, produced by Mutt Lange and Kanye West and featuring Buckethead on lead guitar.

I picture everyone being outside a lot more too so there will be an effort to move people toward the tropics. No more living in deserts, frozen tundra or Russia. Don't get me wrong, I'm very impressed with how we've adapted to these stupid places, but I bet if you showed the Michael Jordan of the Arctic a white sand beach and a fresh pina colada he'd forget all about how to turn snow into breakfast.

You'll have a very flexible work schedule and most days you'll spend outside BBQing with your friends and family, playing simple games using rubber balls and sidewalk chalk. Speaking of friends, you know how it stinks when they live far away? Not on my Planet Cool Dude. All of your neighbours will be friends and family and that's how everyone will arrange themselves, sort of like Facebook without computers. You know how popular Facebook is? I bet so many aliens have human Facebook but there's so many of us on we don't even know they're aliens.

You can spend your money on travel if you want but you really have to commit to it. You'll declare "hobo status" and be free to roam but you have to be a good story teller and know how to work with beads.


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