May 1, 2010


Okay, I'm having a damn mental breakdown right now guys, holy crow. It's Saturday, right? So like, I'm supposed be all relaxed and have all sorts of urban activities stored in my smartphone's scheduler app, you know? Well first off, I don't even have a smartphone, so like, what the hell? Second, I want to play tennis, the original extreme sport, but like, there's rain? This isn't London, England, it's Toronto, Upper Canada, the nation's sunniest hamlet! So I need my exercise but there's a Fresh Meat 2 marathon on MTV, which is a show about 20-something psychos wrestling and having sex for money, so, like, my brain is flip flopping like a stunt clown. Breakfast is over, so I don't have to worry about that, but lunch is on the horizon and I don't have anything thawed.

This has been an exagerated account of what has happened to me so far on Saturday, May 1, 2010. If I get kidnapped this afternoon, the police will be able to use the above in their investigation and I will allow it to be re-printed in all major newspapers and the hottest gossip sites on the web.

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