May 12, 2012



The Saturday Sack is a grab sack full of fun and games, aimed at multiplying the fun and recreation of your weekend by at least 7.  It's meant to replace your entire Saturday newspaper and your softball game.

Joke of the day

A husband and wife are having marital problems and the wife says, "Maybe we should get a dog." Confused, the husband says, "How is that going to help, you know I hate pets." And the wife says, "You don't? I seriously didn't know that. We've been married for 5 years and I feel I still don't know who you are, it's over." And the husband goes "You never listen to me. My brother is a lawyer, did you know that? I'm taking you for everything you got" and the woman says, "Of course I know that, I've been bonking him for two years."



Google Image Search Image of the Day

In this classic game, I type a string of random words into Goog and then pick the best image that comes up. Today's Search Term, "Underbelly incredible magic donkey"

Couldn't have drawn it better myself. That guy kind of looks like me. 

"Should I hold up the pined apple or simply nestle in into my lap? I'd prefer to nestle but it might make me shiver, which could ruin the portrait. Do you have any Sprite? I simply must moisten my hair."

This Weekend's Pickup Line

"Hey baby, can I stick some coins in your mouth, because I want to CHANGE your life"

"Hey hunk, breath into my face so I know what my butt will smell like tomorrow morning"


If you were born a man:

Put some gravy in your canteen! If you were thinking of wearing cleats to the park, I say do it. People may look at you funny, but if dogs start to run after you because they smell your gravy, you'll be happy you put them on. Also, it's time to throw out your beard trimmings. I know, I know, your wife loves nice pillows and your wife loves you so it makes sense to make her a pillow with hair filling, but trust me, just use old Kleenex, it's softer.

If you were born a woman:

Try on your man's jockstrap and if it feels okay you might as well wear it because armor is armor. The moon is circling the Phalox Meridian which means its a good day to finally release the cipher you've been working on, which will give you an excuse to throw on that new dress you stole.

If you were born a neuter:

For the big meeting, instead of wearing a tie, drape a pair of tied together shoes around your neck. It's sporty and if anyone asks you why, just say they're mittens. Finally, admit to yourself that the recurring dream about beefeater who gives you tattoos might be real and go find him. Start in Pasadena and make your way East.

Today's Recipe

Fun House Hot Bars

3 Cups Duck Milk
1 Tbsp Unsweetened Sugar
3 Pinches of Dust from an Ignored Electric Guitar Owned by a Brat
6 Handfuls of Onion Chips
10 Drops of Compound W

Mix together in a large hat, filter through your city's sewage system, retrieve, then pour into DVD drive of Intel powered PC to set. Cut into squares, serve lukewarm. 

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