WRITER'S CRAFT

When I'm bored at work I sometimes try to write a funny script using what my teacher called the "stream-of-conciousness" technique. I wrote the following on May 23rd 2006 according to the email I sent myself. It's not very good, but nothing interesting has happened to me lately, so it'll tide you dumb-dumbs over for a few days. There was that giant fire that happened right around the corner from me on Queen St. but that's only interesting to those who live in Toronto and I like to think that I have fans allllll over the world, including Russia and Namibia (I wish!). The following script has more of an international flavour, like roti or salsa hamburgers, so everyone can enjoy it equally. This blog is going to be the Olympics of the Internet, where all nations come together to play sports and win medals. They probably also bang in the Athlete's Village and have multi-ethnic children. Okay, enough already, right? Here's the script, that I will dub "The Adventure of the Meat Man Derrick".

(In a cool restaurant)
man - I think I'll have beef brisket, I hear it's really good here
woman - Ohhh that sounds just wonderful. I was going to get potatoes but I think I'll get beef brisket too
man - Great choice. I bet we won't be disapointed.
woman - heheeh let's hope so. Thanks so much for taking me out Derrick
man- The pleasure is all this guy's mmmhmm yeah, would you like some more water?
woman - no thanks, I'm still working on glass number one. I'll let you know if I want more.
man - Well I'd prefer to fill your glass right now.
woman - Derrick, you're making me uncomfortable
man - listen lady, you're going to drink more water and you're going to like it. It's good for you and it's refreshing. There is no negative to drinking it
woman - I think I want to leave, you're scaring me
man - Haunted houses and ghouls are scary, I'm real baby, authentic 100%. Now drink up before I get upset.
woman - you already are upset Derrick, I'm leaving!
man - You're not leaving until you drink this. Real simple Tracey. Real simple.
woman - okay! fine! you're such a jerk. (drinks) there. you happy?
Lights go out
another person comes on stage
guy - As it turns out, Tracey was a monster who was going to kill everyone in the restaurant. her only weakness was water. Derrick is actually an immortal knight sort of like Highlander whose purpose was to track and kill the monster. It took millenia and several identities but Derrick finally accomplished his task on May 9th 2006 at Mandarin Chinese Buffet in Mississauga. Following his successful kill, Derrick retired to Montreal where he lived forever.


Watch out 'The Oscars', there's a new Ben Affleck man in town who'll win best screenplay. Speaking of which, tune into the 145th running of the Academy Awards, starting at 3pm this Sunday only on CBC, the nation's station.