A BOAT PULLING A DOGGY

I ran into my friend Robin Williams the other day and this is what he said:

"I'll have the steak with grape sauce, and some water, and then a sandwich, do you have an umbrella, weeeeo oww weeowww, it's raining here!! Does it rain in outerspace or did I just fart? TOOOT TOOOT HAVE some breakfast friend, it's two pesos cha cha cha wing wong wing wong I want a chevy but they're too heavy know what I mean, that's just life friend, gotta sneeze, waaaaazzzzooooooooo uh oh bang bang."

Then he told me that Barack Obama is pen pals with Scarlett Johansson. I usually don't believe Robin because he's a real shithead, but I did some snooping around and realized the story is true:

"Hollywood beauty SCARLETT JOHANSSON has developed a pen pal relationship with Democratic presidential candidate BARACK OBAMA.
The pair has been exchanging regular emails, in which Obama confesses he is a "huge movie lover" and particularly fond of Johansson's performance in Lost in Translation."

Of course he likes Lost in Translation! It's about a mega babe falling in love with a melty old man! All old guys like it! Actually, all guys like it. I like it because I figure if Bill Murray has a chance with her, I, a virile 26 year old, has and even BETTER chance. Normally men would chalk the movie up to being just a male fantasy but it was written and directed by a young woman! It's totally real.

Here's a quote from the girl (Johannsen):

"You'd imagine that someone like the Senator who is constantly travelling and constantly 'on' - how can he return these personal emails? But he does and in his off-time I know he also calls people who have donated the minimum to thank them."

If I was the busiest guy in the world and a rich and famous young babe emailed me, of course I'd get back to her! I hate it when celebrities pretend like they're normal when they're not. If you're reading this Scarlett Johansson, believe me when I tell you that you can have just about any man in the world and just about every man in the world will pay attention to you if you give them the slightest bit of attention yourself. You're probably almost as famous as Obama himself. And I still love you.

Do you think if she wasn't such a hot babe, he would continue these emails? Probably not. Like if Sara Gilbert from Roseanne started emailing him. Here's Obama reading HER email:

"Oh cool, another supportive email and a small donation. Right, yes, interesting, oh that's profound, good idea, great email!. From Sara Gilbert? Have my secretary send her a glossy 8 x 10."

END OF STORY

Now here's a typical Johansson - Obama exhange.

Hi Barack!

Have you heard my new CD? It's soooooo fucking good! I went bra shopping today and got two new ones. Do you buy your wife bras or does she buy them? Good speech last night in Wyoming. I watched the coverage on MTV. Johnny Knoxville did commentary! He's a fucking funny guy. Your suit looked fucking good. I love the red tie. My asked my friend Woody Allen over for pork roast this Sunday. He's so fucking interesting. Just like you. Anyway, gotta run, I'm making fries.

Love Scar


Scarlett,
Your last email was great! You're so great! Listen, we're having a party to celebrate my nomination on Friday at my pad in Chicago. I'd love it if you could make it. I'll pay for your flight and you can stay in the guest suite! I've already sent a gown for you to wear. Even if you can't come you can keep it. I have some money I can give you as well. If I become president you can come to the White House WHENEVER you want. You can have parties there too. On me. And I'll tell you all the secrets I learn. If there's a Yeti, you'll be first to know because you're my girl! I can't wait for your next movie. I watched Lost again last night. Damn your performance was magnificent. And you looked so good too. You're so good. See you Friday?

- Barack

Alright that's all