SUNDAY SUMMER SUNDAY GUIDE

In the city I call home, it's been raining for a long time. Today it looks like it'll be real nice for a change, which prompted me to create the Sunday Summer Sunday Guide. You know when you're sitting around and it's nice out and you're looking out the window and you have nothing to do and people are walking by carrying beach balls and picnic baskets and boom boxes and you're like "where are theses idiots going? I should be out there" and then a Jon and Kate Plus 8 marathon comes on, you make a sandwich and next thing you know it's bedtime? This guide will turn you into a beach ball man.

1) BUY SOME FRUIT

Why not get out to your local store and go buy some fruit? Doctors say it's good for you and moms approve. Plus it tastes great! Fruit is generally in season during the summer months, except for apples, which peak on Halloween. Historians say this is because apples have the power to ward off evil spirits, and since Halloween is basically the worst day, filled with demons and sluts and stuff, apples help even things out. That's why every Halloween mothers everywhere put apples under their children's pillow and in all the toilets in the house until December when they take them out and make pies.

2) GET A HAT

The sun is great because without it, the Earth would be an ice planet ruled by wolves that can talk probably. But the sun won't hesitate to remind you that it pays the bills around here and that you can't totally hog it when you're outside. The guardians of the sun invented hats in 1865 and at first all earthlings were forced to wear one until legislation in 1987 made it optional. That was also the year NHL phenom Sydney Crosby was born. Coincidence? Yes. So if you're bored go out and get a new hat and then wear that hat.

3) GO TO THE PARK AND FEEL AWESOME

You could always just go to a popular local park and lie down. People do that. It's better than sitting at home, folding boxes or whatever it is you do with your time. You can bring anything you want to the park, like some snacks or some toys. People respect it when you go to the park. When you go to work on Monday and people ask what you did on Sunday and you say "ahhhhhh went to the park, lied down", the reaction is usually an encouraging "Oh that sounds good". TV gets no respect on a Sunday. "I watched TV all day."

"Oh. That stinks."

That's the reaction up there. To the TV quote.

I'm currently battling with my own Summer Sunday problems. I woke up at 1 pm. Now I either watch TV and get fish and chips a little later or I play street hockey and get fish and chips a little later. Oh boy. Oh crap.

And there we have it, the Sunday Summer Sunday Guide. This guarantees 3 exciting Sundays for you. You owe me for this one. You owe me money for this. Give me money.