April 7, 2011


In exactly one day and forty nine moments, I'll be turning the ripe age of 29, the final year of my childhood.

I can grow a beard, I don't have all my hair, I own more than two pairs of shoes and I buy all my own bread. Also, just last week my family experienced a medical emergency. Is this a pivotal point in my life? If I were a Quantum Leap episode, is this where I'd get Bakula'd?

The answer to this question lies in the toilet of Mount Scary, due north of the Plains of Pizazz. The toilet is really just a small pond just path the main cave, but still.

So far, in 29 years I...

- can cook
- know about computers
- can drive a car and a small truck
- still have shirts from grade 11
- never learned any really good guitar solos
- got over my fear of dogs by barking back
- traveled to some good countries, avoided shitty ones like Poland
- still haven't seen 2001 A Space Odyssey
- haven't met a bra that I haven't sniffed

Okay, that last one certainly isn't true, but will probably kick in around age 65.

Upon reflection, if I were to go back and tell the little me what I'm up to these days, he'd be pretty cool with it all, especially when I tell him I own a remote-controlled tank. He's won't be too happy that McDonald's hasn't named their fries after him yet, but I still have time. And lots of campaign work to do! Here's what I have so far:

- everyone serves fries and they're all called fries. Call them Golden McGlenns and create a new character that's me but I'm a potato and you've got yourself a million dollars right there.

- My body is shaped like fries

- I smell like oil before I bathe and like herbs after. Your fries don't have herbs...yet

- At the end of the day, you are what you eat, and I eat a lot of fries

Birthday Eve Edition

It's that time again to pat my own bum bum and show you what life was like for me in the early days of the 21st century, a time when cars were fast and women were faster. Here's a sampling of feelings I had going in various birthdays over the years:

April 7th, 2002 (1 day until 20 years old)

Man did we get drunk last night. I had fun until neil and andy got into a fight about NHL 2002 that ended up with neil slapping and choking andy. But like males do they made up after five minutes and we watched top guun and went to bed.

Well tommorow I'm 20 years old thats nutso. I haven't done too much in 20 years so that leaves a lot to look forward to later i guess.

What does a boys locker room shower and (name of friend we used to gently rib) have in common?

When its knob is turned by naked men hot liquid expels.

April 7th, 2003 (1 day until 21 years old)

Well, school's just about over. I decided to miss this afternoon's classes because I feel it is snowing too hard.
I wrote some questionable stand up about names of diseases and I know that life-threatening disease jokes usually aren't very good but I think there's some potential.

Roger Exact and The Precise Calculations ahaha just thought of that one

Extreme tangy salsa doritos are A+

April 6th, 2005 (2 days until 23)

Does anyone want a free 13 inch (i think) colour tv? FREE

I;m done school forever! (unless i go back one day)


April 6th, 2006 (2 days until 24)

I invented a new hair style where you grow your sideburns long enough to gel them so that they look like they're attached to your eyebrows.

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