NOBODY DRIVES CARS ANYMORE

Happy 4th of July to all the people who live in America today. Quite frankly, I don't really care because I'm a proud Canadian and we shouldn't really give a damn right? I mean France doesn't celebrate Germany's birthday and Sweden doesn't send flowers over to Finland, so big deal. If you're a fan of this blog you're probably saying, "But Glenn, how come you didn't say anything when it was Canada Day a few days ago?" First of all, stay out of my business and second of all I'm sorry about saying that and it was only because I was busy that day.

Let's get to it!

In the news:

MAN EATS POPCORN

A dude from Quebec ate some popcorn yesterday for the first time in three years. "I forgot how good this shit is. It's really easy to make too." When reached for comment, his wife said, "I'm still not buying popcorn. If he wants it he can buy if himself." The next day the man went shopping for groceries and forgot to buy popcorn and forgot all about it. He went back to chips without missing a beat. "Overall chips have great crunch and come in all different flavours. Are they my favourite food? I hate to admit it, but yeah probably. I wish my favourite was spinach you know?! AHHAAHAHAHAHAHAH like a Popeye."

- Associated Press

WORD OF THE DAY FRIDAY

"Milk"


Summer is now in full swing and I haven't gone swimming yet. The best was when you were a kid and you went swimming in a really good pool and you had a really good scuba mask so you spent as much time as you could under water seeing crystal clear. That's how I like to use a pool. I do that and I use a diving board. I don't like playing around in the pool with others. I especially hate it when people flirt in pools. It's probably because I was too much of a dweebus to do so myself during the teenage years when pool flirting was at its apex. I was the worst flirt guy in the world. I once kicked a girl because I liked her in grade five or something.

BUT NOT NOW BABY

I'm a babe magnet pretty much. All I have to do is stick my head out the window and five minutes later I'll have had four kisses at least. When I go to the mall I have to wear sunglasses so that the babes don't follow me around. I hate when that happens. Especially when I'm trying to eat New York Fries. My naked body is worth more than the Sphinx because of the theory of supply and demand; There's only one of me and billions of ladies out there. I haven't paid for a drink since 2001. My butt rules.

The above are the lyrics to the song "Great Guy" off an album I'm working on. It sort of sounds like "Little Deuce Coupe" but with more organ.

Okay, I'll leave your internet now. I've got stuff to do. After all, IT'S FRIDAY PIE DAY