March 1, 2010


The 2010 winter Olympics started off like a turd and ended up like flowers sprouted from the compost from the turd. The first few days I complained about the opening ceremonies, the coverage, and the athletes who choked, but yesterday I felt damn good about everything. Sure, the coverage was way in your face Canadian, and the closing ceremonies featured some of Canada's most embarrassing recording artists, but the athletes did a great job and Sidney Crosby showed everyone why Reebok pays him so much.

One thing I will point out though, is that the media seemed surprised at the national pride that was shown in Vancouver during these games. They marveled at the impromptu singings of our national tune, and were take aback by all the red and white that everyone covered their bodies with. I don't know about you guys (unless we discussed it in person on the weekend) but I totally expected that. Vancouver is a big city and everyone wanted to party hard for Canada. I wouldn't have expected anything less, unless we really choked big time and didn't win anything good. That being said, here are the real surprises of the 2010 winter Olympic Games, live from Vancouver British Columbia on Canada's western most coast:

1) I didn't make the team - The COC should've recognized that this was probably my last opportunity to make the Canadian team. I'll be 31 or 32 or something by the time the Sochi games roll around, and that's probably too old unless I can get a curling rink together.

2) Mario Lemieux and the Tragically Hip - I watched a whole mess of Olympic coverage this year and I didn't see Mario Lemieux OR the Tragically Hip once. I thought that maybe the closing ceremonies would've featured a surprise performance by the band with Lemieux on keys, but instead Avril Lavigne sang songs that most of the athletes remembered from elementary school pep rallies. I hope they were all over at Ron MacLean's lavish Oakville estate smoking cigars in a hot tub and telling off-colour Brian Williams jokes.

Brian Williams' balls are so prickly that he uses them to grate parmesan onto his wife's pasta dinners and she doesn't mind one bit

I can't think of anymore. I've been sidetracked with the thought of a band calling their greatest hits album "Greatest (S)hits". Or some band like Stone Temple Pilots who have a history of drug abuse: "Vials and Tribulations" or "Vials and Fibrillations". I should work for Sony/BMG!

I would love to be able to update you all on the dynamic, cosmopolitan adventure that is my life, but quite frankly nothing much has changed since I used to spoil everyone with constant updates. I got a bonus at work but all I bought was a Whalers hat. I'm also thinking of embarking on a giant literary project. Now you know as much as my diary knows.


cara said...

let's see some pics of this whalers hat! also i think the curling thing is a good idea. that's our best bet at this age. it should be co-ed at this point though, i mean there isn't really a difference in skill between men's and women's curling, right?

Duke of Spook said...

I think the men throw harder, but the women are better are sweeping! OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

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